2002 | Whoops & Squawks

There's Still Hope For The Republic

"Clinton Hires 3-Breasted Intern!!"--Headline screaming on the cover of World Weekly's current issue on display at a local Kroger store. Also prominently featured was a photograph of the purported creature, bearing three cantaloupe-sized glands on her chest. (January 7, 2002)

"Rumsfeld is the anti-Alda. . .he is the anti-Clinton. Whereas Clinton was a pain-feeler, Rumsfeld is a pain-inflicter, at least where the country's enemies are concerned."--Jay Nordlinger, writing about defense secretary Donald Rumsfeld in the December 31, 2001 issue of National Review.

"They are being used on frontline al-Qaeda and Taliban troops to try to kill them."--Donald Rumsfeld, responding to a reporter's question about why America was using such heavy bombs in the Afghanistan campaign. (February 1, 2002)

And He Was A Dork, Too!

". . .he was raised in (Marin County, California), the very crucible of cultural nuttiness. He is a child of hot tubs, massage therapy, cultural relativism, amicable divorce, racial guilt, vegan diets, Chardonnay, anti-Americanism and "Teach Peace" bumper stickers. He is the product of grey-bearded radical high-school history teachers, old Volvos, public radio, women's bookstores, pita-wrap sandwiches and clunky brown sandals. . .He was raised to believe that every crazy idea and every loony impulse he ever had was valid, that all cultures are basically equal (except for ours, which is a good deal worse), and that America is a pretty bad place."--Rob Long, writing about American Taliban John Walker, in the December 31, 2001 issue of National Review.

The Agony Of Rick Smith, The Dopiness Of Chan Gailey

"There's been a mixup someplace over the years. He's tried to get it straightened up over the years and, for some reason, someone hasn't let him."--Chan Gailey, the new head football coach at Georgia Tech, quoted in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution in response to Tech's January 28 admission that it had released a biography of newly-hired assistant coach Rick Smith which contained "false information." This is Georgia Tech code for: Smith's resume had been "doctored up" and contained some lies. Smith's resume claimed he had played football and baseball for Florida State, but in fact he was never on the football team and was cut from the baseball team. Intrepid reporters discovered that the "errors" had been in Smith's records at least as far back as 1985. The image of Smith battling valiantly over years and years to rid his resume of untruths, but being thwarted at every turn by a mysterious, unnamed "someone," as Coach Gailey contends, is simply priceless. (January 29, 2002)

Well, You Let The Japanese Sell Millions Of Them To Bored, Tired Americans

“To me, a three-box sedan has so little value. What do you do with it?” --Wayne Cherry, vice president of car design at General Motors, quoted in the Wall Street Journal following a February announcement by rival Ford that it would be cutting back production of its midsized sedans. (February 20, 2002)

“My instinct says things aren’t right in parts of the world.” --Legendary talk-show host Oprah Winfrey, explaining to eager reporters why she had postponed a trip to South Africa and turned down a White House invitation to visit Afghanistan. (USA Today, April 8, 2002).

If Ya Can’t Win The Lottery By Playing It, Ya Win By Suing It!

“The news has brought dorsal fins to full erection down at Trial Lawyer Central.” --Writer David Shiflett in the July 2, 2002, issue of National Review, in a story about a planned lawsuit against the Canada Lottery seeking damages for people who claim they became addicted to gambling from playing video lottery machines. The suit potentially involves 125,000 residents and more than $625 million in damages.

"We read in order to know that we are not alone."--C. S. Lewis, in his book, Shadowlands.

Harpooning Lefties

“Of all tyrannies, a tyranny exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It may be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end, for they do so with the approval of their own conscience.” -- Author C. S. Lewis.

Quick! Guess Which One They’re Running!

“It’s just a joke to think that this witness can provide members of the United States Senate with information on important geological and water quality issues. We’re either serious about the issues or we’re running a sideshow.” --Senator George Voinovich, commenting on the appearance of Kevin Richardson, a member of the rock group, “Backstreet Boys,” before the Environment and Public Works Committee to testify on the subject of removal mining. (From James Hirsen’s June 11, 2002 Left Coast Report on the NewsMax.com website.)

Where Else But Berkeley?

“Among the many commemorations of the September 11th anniversary, the one at Berkeley was unique. The American flag was banned because it might offend people from other countries. “The Star Spangled Banner” was banned because it was considered too militaristic, while “God Bless Amerca” was not regarded as an acceptable substitute because God is considered politically incorrect in Berkeley.” --Thomas Sowell, Creators Syndicate columnist, September 19, 2002.

". . .the profit of books is according to the sensibility of the reader; the profoundest thought or passion sleeps as in a mine, until it is discovered by an equal mind and heart."--Ralph Waldo Emerson, Society and Solitude.

Extinguishing The Torch. . .

“(the) sensational allegations made against Senator Torricelli have been proven false and without foundation.” --Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle, in late August, 2002, responding to a “serious rebuke” of Senator Robert (Bobby The Torch) Torricelli of New Jersey by the Senate’s ethics committee.

“You can’t possibly appreciate the job Torricelli does.” --Senator Daschle, speaking to a cheering Trenton, New Jersey, crowd at a Torricelli campaign rally in late September, 2002.

“I have never been prouder to be on a dais as I have this afternoon with the leadership you’ve got in the state of New Jersey.” --New Jersey Senator Jon Corzine, with Daschle on the dais at the same Trenton, New Jersey, campaign rally for Senator Torricelli. Within a week Torricelli was forced by his party to drop out of the race when polls showed him trailing a Republican challenger largely due to freshly-public information about fund-raising corruption involving The Torch.

“. . .when (Vermont Senator Jim) Jeffords switched parties, it improved the average IQ of both parties.” --Ann Coulter, writing in the October 14 issue of Human Events.

“There is no safety for honest men but by believing all possible evil of evil men.”--Edmund Burke, quoted by columnist Mona Charen in the Indianapolis Star October 21, 2002.

“This was a Liberals’ war, run by Liberals, who regarded Barry Goldwater and William F. Buckley, Jr., as more reprehensible than Ho Chi Minh.” --Angelo Codevilla, referring to the Vietnam War, in an article in the Fall, 2002, edition of the Claremont Review of Books.
“Lee, I hope you understand there’s nothing personal in this. We’re still friends, aren’t we? It’s only political, you know.” --Lyndon Johnson, Democrat Senator from Texas, quoted by his biographer, Robert A. Caro, in Caro’s third volumn (of a planned four) on Johnson’s life, titled The Years of Lyndon Johnson: Master of the Senate. Johnson is said by Caro to have uttered these words to Leland Olds, then chairman of the Federal Power Commission, “after having engineered the destruction of his (Olds’s) career” in a “Red-baiting attack” on the chairman.

And the Same Ought To Go For Citizens, Journalists, And All The Rest Of Us

“. . .When public servants lose their capacity for outrage. . .they have outlived their usefulness to the country.” --Arizona Senator John McCain, in his memoir, Worth The Fighting For.

Kleagle Bob Speaks For Himself

“. . .never in this world will I be convinced that race mixing in any field is good. I am loyal to my country and know but reverence to her flag, but I shall never submit to fight beneath that banner with a Negro by my side. Rather I should die 1,000 deaths and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again, than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels.” --Robert C. Byrd, Democrat United States Senator from Virginia, in a 1944 letter Byrd wrote to Mississippi’s Theodore G. Bilbo. The letter was cited in a letter published in 1999 in The New Republic magazine which itself was reported in a December 22, 2002, column by David J. Garrow in the Chicago Tribune. Garrow also noted that Byrd on “Fox News” in 2001 told viewers that “I’ve seen a lot of white niggers in my time,” and the remark was not reported at the time by either the Tribune or the world’s newspaper of record, The New York Times (nor is any Democrat or lefty known to have demanded Byrd’s resignation because of the remark). Garrow’s column also confirmed Byrd’s membership in the Ku Klux Klan in the mid-1940s. (December 22, 2002)