. . .Except For The Part That’s Passed. . .
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“His future is ahead of him in many ways.”—Rick Carlisle, Indiana Pacers head coach, commenting in the Indianapolis Star on Ike Diogu, a second-year player obtained in a January 17 trade with the Golden State Warriors. (January 17, 2007)
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“It was pretty awesome to be able to touch the trophy. I was surprised, though, because the trophy. . .was pretty cold.”—Steve Hart, 30-year-old Marion County (Indiana) sheriff’s deputy, speaking at a local Meijer store, where he and over a thousand other people gathered to actually touch and be photographed with, the Indianapolis Colts’ Super Bowl trophy. The trophy began a 50-stop journey around Indiana on February 24, accompanied by armed guards and team officials. Hart told an Indianapolis Star reporter that he had “phoned in sick” in order to be able to see and be near and touch the icon.
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Kenny Holtzman. Ron Blomberg. A couple of names I haven’t heard in over a decade. The Chicago Tribune reports that Holtzman, Blomberg, and Art Shamsky will manage teams this year in a new Israeli Baseball League. Blomberg played for the Yankees and the White Sox in the 1970s. Holtzman won 174 games in a 15-year span with the Cubs, Athletics, Orioles and Yankees. He practically defined the term “flaming rectal orifice” in his short stint with the Yankees. A persistent dream of mine on those days was that Steinbrenner would pay Holtzman billions to sign an outlandish multiyear contract, then inform him he would never throw another inning for the team, let him rot on the bench forever. Perhaps the years have softened Holtzman. They haven’t done much for me. (February 28, 2007)
George Carlin Could Have Some Fun With This
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The national sport of Afghanistan is buzkashi. A beheaded goat is the “ball.” Players on horseback battle for control of the goat carcass. Prizes are awarded for placing the carcass in a circular goal. And now, back to shopping. . . (February 28, 2007)
Poor Pete
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Pete Rose has at last admitted—after several decades of stout denial—that he gambled while manager of the Cincinnati Reds. Rose told Dan Patrick and Keith Olberman on ESPN Radio that he “bet every day” on his team. The nation, still roiling in the Anna Nicole Smith yuck and muck while patiently waiting for Britney Spears’ hair to grow back, was momentarily stunned and bewildered. Two days after Rose’s version of a confession, John Dowd, who wrote major league baseball’s investigative report on the gambling charges, stepped forward to tell eager reporters that even now Rose was fudging the truth. Dowd said Rose did not bet every day. “When (Mario) Soto and (Bill) Gullickson pitched, he didn’t bet on the Reds.” Rose has been banned from baseball since 1989. By the way, he has a new book out. (March 17, 2007)
And, Alas, With Gambling
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On the same day Pete Rose “confessed” to ESPN Radio, he was quoted in the ChicagoTribune saying his fans would likely be “elated” if he were reinstated to baseball (and thus made eligible for admission to its Hall of Fame). “My name’s synonymous with baseball,” he said. (March 17, 2007)
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Noted in Passing: Eddie “The King and His Court” Feigner, died at age 81. Feigner barnstormed around the world with his four-man softball team for 54 years. His fastball was said to have been clocked at 104 mph. Feigner pitched over 10,000 games. Sports Illustrated reported that in a 1964 exhibition game at Dodger Stadium he struck out Willie Mays, Willie McCovey, Maury Wills, Harmon Killebrew, Roberto Clemente, and Brooks Robinson in order. A true piece of Americana. (March 15, 2007)
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Once more the generosity of a friend with extra tickets got me inside the great hall to join 1,160 others for dinner and a wonderful evening of schmoozing and clucking at the Indiana Basketball Hall of Fame banquet. Among luminaries present were John Laskowski, Jim Krivacs, eight members (including John and Sylvester Coalman) of the 1957 undefeated state champion South Bend Central Bears, a like number of the 1982 state champion Plymouth Pilgrims team, Landon Turner, Randy Wittman (via video) and more. I sat beside Bill Springer, who coached at Southport for some 17 years and then at Bloomington High School in the 1970s and 80s. Springer told me was at a coaching clinic with Kelvin Sampson (IU’s first-year coach) some 20 years ago when Sampson was just a rookie coach and that “it was obvious he had a lot on the ball even then.” Several others at our table were from southern Indiana and so there were many rollicking tales of Scottsburg, Clarksville, Jeffersonville, New Albany and many smaller schools of which I knew little. Larry McIntyre of the late 1950s Indianapolis Crispus Attucks teams was inducted, and he gave a poignant speech, interrupted at the end by near-tears as he reminisced about a couple of adult men who mentored him in his childhood and youth. It was quite touching, and a large contingent of his family and friends were present to shower him with love. Moments like this never cease to move me. It was a warm evening full of memories of a long-gone time, a room filled with old guys sharing tales of war, a truly sweet few hours in a world I treasure a great deal more than the present one. (March 21, 2007)
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LeBron James is said to be studying Mandarin so he can increase his marketing appeal in China. (March 30, 2007)
Well, At Least Huggins Knows Himself
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“I asked him, ‘Bob, do you think leaving now is the right thing to do?’ And he said, ‘No.’ Then I said, ‘How many times in your life have you known what the right thing to do is and not done it?’ And he said, ‘Never.’ “—Tim Weiser, Kansas State University athletic director, quoted at a news conference shortly after the school’s basketball coach, Bob Huggins, announced he was quitting after one year at K-State to take the men’s basketball coaching position at his alma mater, West Virginia. (April 6, 2007)
. . .But At Least The End Stops The Pain
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“The journey is better than the end.”—Cervantes, according to retired UCLA Coach John Wooden, who quoted Cervantes saying this, in a December, 1995, public statement about the demise of single-class high school basketball in Indiana.
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One of the sports world’s biggest puzzlers is out with a new book. Denny McLain, an absolutely great and overpowering pitcher for the Detroit Tigers for a couple of meteoric years, has written “I Told You I Wasn’t Perfect,” to try to explain it all. Imagine this: At age 24, he won 31 games—nobody has won 30 in a season since--for the 1968 World Champion Tigers. He won the American League’s Cy Young Award and was named the its Most Valuable Player. He was on the cover of Time Magazine. By 1985 he was in prison with a 23-year sentence for racketeering. He was paroled, but sent back to prison in 1996 when he fell back in with organized crime figures. McLain and his book were the subject of a nicely written piece by Chicago Tribune columnist Fred Mitchell May 15. McLain was one of those baffling “had-it-all-and-threw-it-all-away” characters few of us can ever quite understand. (May 15, 2007)
Easy, Myles, Eeeeeeasy. . .
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“College sports is not a business. It’s about educating young men and women in the field and in the classroom.”—Myles Brand, currently president of the NCAA, speaking at a 2005 ethics conference.
E-mail To A Colleague On The Far Side Of The Moon
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Up on my screen came still another Yankee pitcher making his major league debut. There he was, scarecrowish, gawky, elephant ears fanned out, cap pulled down completely on top of his ears, the cap bill almost completely flat (a cardinal sin), squinting, spitting, twitching. Tyler Clippard, for God’s sake. They can’t even give them neat names anymore—like Eli Grba, Ryne Duren, Harry The Cat, “Suitcase,” or Jabbo Jablonski. No, this is Tyler Clippard. Oh, man. The announcers said he was the fifth rookie to make his Yankee debut this year, and it’s only May. Up from Trenton, Johnson City, Fargo, Medicine Hat—someplace like that. Struck out the first three batters he faced. Shoulda taken his billions and gone home and retired right there. Dumbass kept pitching. Th’ew, as Dizzy Dean used to say—or “th’owed”—a nice game and got a win. Reminded me of us as kids, Skinny. Full of dreams, so earnest and eager. Before the world got hold of us—me, anyway. (May 21, 2007)
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As Barry Bonds closed in on baseball’s all-time career home run record, commissioner Bud Selig’s office put the heat on all teams to ban signs or clothing mentioning baseball’s Steroids Unpleasantness. Bonds is widely believed to have used so-called “performance enhancing” substances in recent years, and fans around the major leagues have tried to voice their displeasure as Bonds nears Hank Aaron’s record. MLB can tolerate the drugs, but not being reminded of its hypocrisy. (June 30, 2007)
It Could Be a Form Of Garbled Syntax, Too
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“I always thought it was very simple. If you did something and someone asks you if you did it and you didn’t do it, you say no. Any other answer than no is a form of yes, isn’t it?—Curt Schilling, Boston Red Sox pitcher, commenting on baseball’s Steroids Unpleasantness and the evasive answers given by Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, and others accused of using steroids. Schilling was interviewed on HBO’s “Costas Now” program. (July 24, 2007)
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“Barry can hit, so the jurors will acquit.”—Mike Downey, Chicago Tribune columnist, in a column about the indictment of baseball player Barry Bonds on perjury and obstruction of justice charges, in which Downey said he had uncovered a California law making it illegal to convict a celebrity of a crime there. (November 18, 2007)
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Dennis Franchione, the football coach at Texas A & M, resigned less than an hour after his team ended its season with a 38-30 win over state rival Texas. His five-year record was 33-28, pretty lousy by local standards. But Franchione committed an unforgivable error in judgment by getting caught this season “selling inside information about the program to big-money boosters in a secret newsletter,” according to this morning’s press report. His $2 million base salary just wasn’t quite enough. His resignation is immediate and he will not coach the Aggies in next month’s bowl game. He’ll resurface somewhere, don’t worry. (November 24, 2007)
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“We feel like it’s important to put them on this sports tier because we think it’s unfair to burden all our customers with the cost on something that has a limited appeal.”—Mark Apple, apparently the Comcast Officer in Charge of Bullshitting, defending Comcast’s position in negotiations with the Big Ten Network, which has rights now to a huge number of league basketball and football games. THE BTN wants Comcast to put its programming on the basic cable package. Comcast wants to put the Big Ten Network on its sports tier, which customers must pay extra for. Comcast, however, thinks nothing of forcing millions of customers to buy its programming in” bundles” which contain many channels many people would never buy individually if they were offered ala carte. Somehow, that’s different. (November 30, 2007)
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Addition to the list of most wonderful sports franchise nicknames in the world: The Fort Wayne Mad Ants (of the NBA’s Development League) --December 8, 2007)
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The festering impasse between the Big Ten Network greedmongers and the major cable television companies hung overhead as 2007 lurched to a close. Comcast, the major cable provider throughout Indiana, refused to add the Big Ten package to its basic programming, and as a result many thousands of Indiana and Purdue fans remain unable to watch their teams on television (the Big Ten universities have sold broadcast rights to the BTN for a majority of the season’s games). Much as I dislike Comcast for other reasons, it is not the villain in this brouhaha. The member universities are, and my year-end wish is for a plague on all of them. (December 31, 2007)
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Sometime in the last year or so, the sports language police struck—apparently while we slept. Overnight the word used to describe how tall an athlete is was changed from “height” to “length.” Now you hear writers and broadcasters saying things like “Kentucky (with three players 6-9 or taller in its front court)) just has too much length for Indiana this afternoon.” Who decided to do this? Where do we go to protest? (December 31 2007)
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The Chicago White Sox have a dilemma they can solve if only they’ll look about them. They’ve signed a promising young Cuban baseball player, Alexei Ramirez, pending his passing a medical examination in the United States. But, alas, Alexei is having trouble entering the United States. Inexplicably fussy American bureaucrats want paperwork completed first. Imagine that! The Sox are going about this all wrong. They should have sent Alexei up through Mexico or down through Canada, across which borders several million people meander into the U.S. illegally every year, no questions asked, and free medical care, college tuition, drivers licenses, and assorted other subsidies and goodies are the rewards. (December 31, 2007)