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Splinters From the Bench
- Writer Jarrett
Bell's account for USA Today of Baltimore's Ray Lewis
winning the Super Bowl's MVP Award was an unintended confessional.
Bell seemed to take only thinly disguised glee in reporting the
news about Lewis, most famous recently for his alleged involvement
in the murders of two men outside an Atlanta nightclub. "Deal
with it, America." Bell began his article, "Ray Lewis
is your Super Bowl MVP." Lewis himself was rather unapologetic
about the matter, but it is a bit startling to see a journalist
seeming so eager to rub the readers' faces in it. Part of
the brave new world of journalism, I imagine.
Catching The Drift
At The Star
- This morning's Indianapolis
Star--A Gannett newspaper--announced the resignation of Dr.
Bill Benner, legendary sports columnist and AntiChrist to IU's
Grape Kool-Aid Crowd. Bill is accepting a post as vice-president
of the Indiana Sports Corporation, a local organization which
solicits, promotes, and organizes major sporting events for the
city. Bill's last column will be February 18. Callers to radio
talk shows last evening were already joking that Coach
had got The Benster fired. Rumors were floating, too, that the
new regime at the Star was anxious to clean out the
old crowd, particularly the high-priced veterans, to help
shape up the bottom line. This appears to actually be a resignation,
but one of those where Bill "caught the drift," as they
say, and saved them the trouble of a firing. Both sides are doubtless
happier. Insiders report morale has been drooping since Gannett's
takeover of the paper and its inevitable inauguration of a New
Era. I imagine Bill will be on the Internet soon to send a cryptic
message to some former Hoosiers List colleagues, bitter words
to the effect that he hopes they're happy now, now that Coach
has extracted His Vengeance, or perhaps just a simple, "Having
gotten Coach fired, my work (he may even refer to it as his life's
mission) here at the Star is done now." This one bears
close watching. (February 7, 2001)
- Big chuckle out of
major league baseball. The pooh-bahs have announced they're going
to start using the real strike zone this year. You know,
the one that's been in the rule books for a hundred years or so
but ignored beyond living memory. Sportswriters are really concerned
about how the big leaguers will ever adjust to a strike that's
above the waist. I can see Karl Malden leaning in close, like
he used to do in that American Express commercial, his spongy,
bulbous nose about three inches from my face, wearing his
snap-brim hat, wagging a finger, saying, "What willll you
do? What willllll you do?"
Somebody Tell Sandra
It's Already Too Late
- USA Today
reports in its April 26 edition that U.S. Olympic officials have
plans to instruct athletes on how to act at Salt Lake City's 2002
Winter Games. "It's important," said Sandra Baldwin,
president of the U.S. Olympic Committee, ". . .that they
not desecrate that very special moment."
- "The doctor
said it was gastromunical (sic). I'm not alive right now"
--Female
tennis pro Serena Williams, quoted by columnist Melissa
Isaacson in the July 4 Chicago Tribune, attributing her
lethargic play in a Wimbledon quarterfinals loss to Jennifer Capriati
to intestinal distress. (July 4, 2001)
- Legendary former major
league baseball pitcher Bo Belinsky died November 30 at
his home. He pitched in the 1960s for five teams. His notoriety
far exceeded his talent. His career won-lost record was 28-51
(though he did throw a no-hitter as a rookie in 1962) and he had
a 4.10 ERA in eight seasons. More importantly, though, he dated
such lovelies as Mamie Van-Doren, Ann-Margret, Tina Louise, Juliet
Prowse, and Connie Stevens.
Add Union City On
The Target Log
- The father of a Union
City, California, sophomore has filed a $1.5 million damage suit
against his son's high school and basketball coach because
the son was cut from basketball team tryouts. The father claims
damages for the family's having to rearrange its schedule
to accommodate the lad's basketball practices, and claims lost
future wages from his son's now-aborted professional basketball
career. Since they're already out and on the loading docks, I
suggest a visit to the family by an American bomber bearing one
Daisy Cutter. One way to clean up the neighborhood. (December
12, 2001)
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