Splinters From the Bench

• The University of Notre Dame has completed an in-depth investigation of charges that some of its football players accepted "gifts" of jewelry, clothing and trips from a 28-year old South Bend woman who gave birth to a child said to have been fathered by one of the players. The woman has been accused of embezzling some $750,000 from a local business. Notre Dame athletic Director Michael Wadsworth told eager reporters this week that the university has concluded that the players broke no NCAA rules by accepting the gifts. They merely exercised "bad judgment," he said. Sounding uncannily like he'd been tutored by Indiana University athletic director Clarence Doninger, famous for his own in-depth investigations which turn up nothing, Wadsworth conceded that "Yes, there are elements of irresponsibility here, maybe not looking deeply enough into things." Doubtless the irony in his statement was unintended. Notre Dame says it will file a written report with the NCAA by mid-March. No national uproar greeted Wadsworth's revelations, unlike the firestorm which would have accompanied such a story about the University of Michigan or Nevada-Las Vegas or many other schools. Why is it that Notre Dame gets a free pass but always manages to come off sounding pompous and arrogant in these matters? (March 6, 1998)

• Major league baseball's veterans committee has chosen former Cleveland Indians outfielder Larry Doby to induction into the sports Hall of Fame. Doby played 13 years with a career batting average of .283. He hit 253 home runs and drove in 969 runs. The veterans committee is a typical reflection of modern American society. It was created to "rectify oversights in the past," according to Hal Bodley writing in USA Today. This is code for: not enough former ball players feel good about themselves and it isn't fair not to let them in even though they were considered on the same basis as all others. By my reckoning as a baseball fan, Doby's statistics are hardly Hall of fame caliber. He is black, though, and was the first black to play in the American League. I suspect that has more to do with his admission that anything else. "Few have done so much for the game," said American League President Gene Budig of Doby's selection. There are probably many in the Hall with statistics inferior to Doby's. My response to that is those players shouldn't be in, either, and how do we launch a movement to get them out?

• Total attendance for the four separate class championships in Indiana high school basketball last month was 29,189. In 1997, the last year of one-class basketball in the state, attendance was 55,129 for the four-team final. Total attendance for the tournament was down 22 percent and--this'll get their attention--profit to the state athletic association which runs the tournament declined almost 42 percent. (April 28, 1998)

• A friend and I in a phone conversation last night touched on the increasing prevalence of violence in the sports world we both follow. He mentioned the Latrell Sprewell Unpleasantness and said he was surprised there has not yet been a shooting at some national level athletic event--an NBA game, an NFL football game, the NCAA finals, something that would assure lots of television attention for the gunslinger. We agreed there was little doubt we'd live to see it happen. I asked if he'd seen the story in the past week about the near-riot that broke out at an Indiana State University baseball game. Fans were spitting on opposing players, screaming and throwing things at them and at each other, and about half a dozen people were eventually arrested. We agreed that a prudent citizen should be stockpiling ammo, C-rations, and sandbags, and hung up. What a coincidence then, that this morning's Indianapolis Star contained these revelations: 1) Cleveland Cavaliers star Shawn Kemp, formerly of Elkhart, Indiana, has been revealed to have fathered seven--count 'em, seven!--children out of wedlock. He remains unmarried, and considers them "personal problems" he'd rather not talk about; 2) Tramell Powell, a 19-year-old East Chicago high school senior, was shot to death over the weekend; 3) Ohio State guard Damon Stringer has been charged in an attack on a driver in a Columbus, Ohio parking lot. He faces three misdemeanor counts and a maximum 10 months in jail--ooops! That'll cut into game-time next fall--and a $2,000 fine; 4) Atlanta Falcons linebacker Cornelius Bennett was ordered by a court to surrender to authorities to begin serving a 60-day sentence for sexual abuse of an ex-girlfriend; 5) Six fans were arrested in Cincinnati after a brawl in the stands at a Reds-Phillies baseball game. One fan was thrown over the dugout roof and landed inside the Phillies dugout. The game was delayed while police used pepper spray to subdue the combatants. This was actually a fairly mild day as these things go. But it's not a confidence-builder. (April 29, 1998)

Let's Offer That Man An Assistant's Job At Indiana University!

• Eastern New Mexico University's men's basketball coach, Earl Diddle (no kidding), resigned last week after being accused of grabbing a player's crotch.

• Paul Bledsoe of Terre Haute wrote the Indianapolis Star to protest sports writer Robin Miller's "vindictive dribble" about the Indy Racing League and suggest Miller be taken off the IRL beat because he (Miller) is so negative. The Star's proofreaders were of little help. No doubt they, the editors, and Miller were over at Market Square Arena watching the Indiana Pacers drivel basketballs around when Bledsoe's missile came in. (May 28, 1998)

• Chicago Bulls head basketball coach Phil Jackson emptied his office, climbed aboard his Harley and roared away recently, confirming speculation that he was going to quit his job. I say good riddance. Jackson, who is lionized by most in the media, strikes me as a cunning, manipulative semi-fraud. An NBA version of Lou Holtz. Past time Jackson took his aging hippie act somewhere else. Anywhere else.

• And while we're at it, time for Michael Jordan, Scottie Pippen, and Dennis Rodman to take their acts and hit the road, too. Time to move on to the next grotesque circus melodrama

Nearly Unimaginable Fortitude

• Fila U.S.A., one of the big sporting goods companies, had a contract with NBA star Chris Webber but terminated it last week, citing a good-conduct clause. Webber was stopped in San Juan's Airport in early August when authorities found marijuana in his carry-on luggage. Chris said the parcel belonged to his girlfriend, but some were suspicious. For inside that bag, noted Karen Crouse of the Lost Angeles Daily News, was a pair of size 16 sneakers. Webber was arrested last January and still faces charges from that Unpleasantness (marijuana possession, second-degree assault and resisting arrest). Numerous other Unpleasantnesses punctuate Webber's life since he roared into the public eyeball as one of the University of Michigan's fabled Fab Fivers from the early 1990s. Webber's agent is angrily huffing and puffing, and claims Fila "does not have a unilateral right to just terminate" the contract. Congratulations to Fila for having the nearly unimaginable fortitude to actually stand for something in a nation that worships scumbags and has lost its way morally. (August 28, 1998)

Maybe They're Comin' to Their Senses

• Fans don't seem to be missing their NBA basketball, according to an ESPN poll cited in USA Today. With November's games canceled by a labor dispute, 62.7 percent of fans polled said they didn't care if the entire season was lost. Of those who said they were NBA fans, half said they didn't care if the entire season was canceled. (November 4, 1998)

Unsound Mind And Fraud: Sounds Like Dennis To Me!

• Sports fans were recently treated to the bizarre tale of the marriage of Chicago Bulls forward Dennis Rodman and former Baywatch actress Carmen Electra. By reading between the lines, it seemed obvious the blessed event concluded a lengthy round of alcohol, drugs and other depravities which ended up in a Las Vegas chapel around 3 a.m. where vows and possibly even precious bodily fluids were exchanged. Rodman soon after filed a petition in Orange County, California, in which he listed unsound mind and fraud among reasons the court should annul the marriage. Where Dennis Rodman is concerned, we'll never get closer to the truth than this.

• Indianapolis radio station WFBQ 94.7 FM, which carries all Indianapolis Colts football games, barrages us with eight hours of coverage for each game. First there are three hours of pre-game speculation, analysis, and interviews, sometimes of fans in the street or calling in by phone. Then there's the actual game coverage which typically lasts three hours. Finally, we're treated to two hours of post-game analysis, interviews and phone-in from questing fans. The station covering the Chicago Bears betters this with nine hours of game-day coverage. (December 20, 1998)

• Basketball coaching legend Johnny Wooden isn't pleased with the baggy new uniforms his old UCLA team now wears, and has even asked the school to get rid of them, according to a note in USA Today's December 7 edition. Poor Johnny. He's got it reversed, as anyone can tell you who pays attention to youngsters or can remember being one. If you want to get rid of baggy uniforms, you praise them, wear them yourself. The kids will instantly go for the opposite. Wooden forgets that a young person's job description is to irritate and rile adults.

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