Scoundrels, Knaves, and Fools

Connecting the Dots. . .

• Evidence is everywhere that our country is not serious about national security. The April 8, 2002, issue of Human Events provided more. Reporter Joseph Agostino's front page lead story notes that the United States issued 51,529 temporary visas to residents of Middle East countries since the September 11 Unpleasantness. The story also reported that over 7,000 men from the 25 countries on the State Department's al Qaeda "watch list" were issued visas in just the weeks from late October to December 1, 2001. And hardly a week seems to go by without a story in the media about someone slipping past security at U.S. airports, or a photograph of a huge pile of confiscated guns, knives, and other prohibited items which have been taken from people attempting to board planes. (April 10, 2002)

• Dubya has taken a position he'll surely regret. He's called for a complete ban on all human cloning. The Dems will demagogue this one to the moon. Dubya won't even recognize himself when Daschle and the lefties are finished. Not that Dubya's position isn't principled; it is. But it assures that George will be portrayed an as Antichrist who would deny young people and old, indeed all Americans, their right to the medical benefits sure to be derived from cloning. It puts George in the camp of the wacko religious Right. Bet money Jimbo Carville stopped counting chads in darkest Florida the instant he heard of Dubya's speech, and lifted his reptilian head to home in on the scent of fresh, new prey. He can get some flunkies to count chads. This--Dubya's Cloning Folly--is red meat, and sure to bring 'em out of their burrows howling! (April 15, 2002)

• The Washington Post in early April broke a beautiful story about a canny diatribe offered by U.S. Rep. Cynthia McKinney, a Georgia Democrat. McKinney, in an interview with a Berkeley, California, radio station, all but outright accused the Bush Administration of knowing in advance of the September 11 terrorist attacks on America and doing nothing to stop them because the Bushies and their close friends stood to make tremendous profits as a result. McKinney also resurrected the tired charges that the Bush forces stole the Florida election and "stole from America our most precious right of all, the right to free and fair elections." America's media seemed relatively indifferent to the Post's revelations. No angry protest marchers appeared in the streets. Certainly no liberal voices were heard crying out. Criticism was limited largely to a few conservative cranks on TV and in low-circulation magazines. Public reaction was pretty much the "ho-hum, can't we get on with the really important business of our nation" sort of indifference we grew accustomed to in the Clinton Era. McKinney's statements are so absurd and so outrageously loony that if we weren't told otherwise, they'd be assumed to have come from a mental defective or a crackpot. McKinney seems to be getting the usual free pass the press and public give to lefties, however. McKinney has leapfrogged from relative obscurity into the front ranks of the left's world-class demagogues. She's got a brilliant future!

Finally, A Republican With A Piercing Insight

• The press is chasing a rumor that Marc Racicot, the head of the Republican National Committee, has decided he'll no longer appear on CNN's Crossfire television program and is urging other Republicans to boycott it. Racicot, the story goes, is tired of what he sees as Republicans being used as "props for theatrical demonstrations" on the show, and complains of "rhetorical grenade-launching" in the Washington media. Racicot, according to a "Media Mix" column in USA Today, got scorched by the legendary lefty attack dog, James Carville, on an April 1 Crossfire. Easy enough to imagine that, but this is a catfight Racicot can't ever win. I long ago quit watching Crossfire. All I see and hear from it is a verbal food fight--two or three people shouting at and interrupting each other nonstop, often to the point that a listener can't follow what anyone is saying because of the shrill racket. The show is crap and provides little to no civil dialogue. That's a good enough reason (April 24, 2002)

Digging Deeper For The Deepster

• A story in this morning's Indianapolis Star reports that John Dean is expected soon to reveal his personal theory on the identity of Deep Throat of Watergate days. Speculation over the years has centered on two suspects: Alexander Haig and (former Watergate prosecutor) Neil Silbert. My own bet is that it's really Hal Holbrook, the wonderful actor who portrayed The Deepster in the movie. And who can ever forget one of the film's Kodak Moment scenes in a Washington, D.C., parking garage about 3 a.m., creepy music boosting us to the point of nervous collapse, reporter Dustin Hoffman (playing Bernstein) sneakin' around, paranoid, and off in a dark deep corner of the garage we hear. . .the click of a Zippo lighter, and see the flare, and then, later, the shadow-shrouded fella tells Dustin to "follow the money. . ."? (May 1, 2002)

• "Bill Clinton was not natural at anything. He was the exact opposite: a contrived, artificial, highly-scripted, poll-driven politician whose warm empathy with strangers in public was in stark contrast to his moody, self-involved crankiness in private. He is a man of abysmally low personal character who regards the truth--with splendid impartiality--as merely one of several options to consider before he speaks." --Dick Morris, author and former political strategist for Sick Willie, in a review of Joe Klein's latest book, The Natural: The Misunderstood Presidency of Bill Clinton. The review appeared in the May 2, 2002, issue of National Review.

. . .But Unfortunately They Still Let 'em Vote Department

• From the October 5, 2001, "de gustibus" column in the Wall Street Journal comes a notation by reporter Brendan Miniter that shortly after September 11 a sign was posted at the entrance to Fur, Fins, and Feathers, a sporting goods store in far upstate New York, which read: "No Florida Democrats Allowed In The Gun Room. New York Law Forbids The Sale Of Firearms To Idiots."

• A colleague forwarded information about George Mason University's History News Network (HNN). The day's message happened to focus on the controversy surrounding What Dubya Knew And When He Knew It Regarding Certain Unpleasantnesses Said To Have Occurred On Or About September 11. HNN's self-advertisement proclaims that it "wants you to know what both sides are saying." There followed a list of pertinent essays. Under the category "Those Critical of President Bush" were listed three articles. Under "Those Supporting President Bush" only one article was listed, and that by the thoroughly discredited wacko troglodytic crank and troublemaking kook (who therefore has to be on to something that bugs lefties), David Horowitz. I couldn't suppress a chuckle at my immediate reaction that a 3-1 margin against Dubya was about what I'd expect to find in academe. This was mere coincidence, surely, but it does fit my stereotype. My reaction reveals as much about me as it does anything else. I'm a prisoner, too. (May 20, 2002)

• Politics returned to center stage last week as allegations mysteriously surfaced--this time from "respectable" Democrats, not the buffoonish crackpot, Cynthia McKinney--that Dubya knew or must have known something before September 11 and didn't tell us and let it happen anyway. "Bush Knew" screamed a New York Post headline. Sick Hillary took the Senate floor to report that her constituents--all those shrill harridans and foamy-mouthed liberals from the wacko left--were demanding--deMANding, mind you!-- to know the answers. Tom Daschle couched his comments in the Watergate rhythms of "What did the President know and when did he know it." Other Demos joined in the delicious dropping of innuendo and sly suggestion, then retreated to their dens to watch their allies in the press take up the screeching. White House reaction was feeble and surly. Republican leaders fumed and muttered. Within hours the media had taken up the drumbeat calling for a special investigation. Lefties were quick to claim that nobody--nobody--was accusing Dubya of actually knowing the terrorist attacks would occur and keeping it a secret--nobody would ever say that. They backed away quickly and cleverly and it was a thing of beauty to behold. This was a classically Clintonian operation, brilliantly orchestrated, flawlessly executed. No leftie ever had to make a specific accusation. All they had to do was to drop the faintest innuendo, the mere suggestion that Dubya had known but kept it secret. That alone was sufficient to plant what they wanted planted in the minds of Mr. and Mrs. Front Porch. The media, they knew, would take the bait and be willing accomplices in fanning the firestorm. All they had to do then was sit back and let events take their natural course. This is another bitter reminder for Republicans of how sadly outmatched they are at the game of politics. I have no quarrel with an investigation, though I could never trust Congress, poisoned as it is by political partisanship, to do it. My vote would be for an independent commission of civilians--an even number and carefully chosen for qualities of intellect, fairmindedness, and fearlessness in confronting the truth. In a perfect world, no elected politicians would be allowed on such a commission. I have a hunch the political campaign has officially begun and we are going to witness a thoroughly awesome display of liberal skill and talent. Dubya better head for the bunkers. (May 22, 2002)

Bleeder Bombshell Greeted By Silence

• I missed the show, but word arrives that The Capitol Gang's lefty panelists Saturday night (May 18) dropped the bombshell allegation that Dubya and the Republicans are renting out the Lincoln Bedroom to fat cat donors and have already made more money doing it than Sick did "in his entire first term." (My guess is that a lot hangs on the adjective "first"--and it may turn out that Sick didn't think of renting the Lincoln Bedroom till his second term). The two mean-spirited conservatives on the panel, Robert Novak and Kate O'Beirne, reportedly did not challenge the allegation, and I have seen not a single syllable about this in the press since Dubya took office. It's near-impossible to believe that this could be going on and not a soul in the press would report it. So for now my request of lefties would be: give us facts or shut up. (May 21, 2002)

A Minor Correction For General Hagenbeck

• Major General Franklin Hegenbeck, commander of U.S.-led forces in Afghanistan, was quoted May 28 saying we had information that al Qaeda and Taliban leaders were trying to regroup and launch new attacks and that, "Our job is to deny them the freedom of movement and sanctuary." Beg his pardon. His job--our nation's job--is not to make things uncomfortable for the enemy. It is to hunt down the enemy and kill them, and keep killing them until there aren't any more of them, anywhere on this planet. Past time we realize this and get to work

A Few Modest Proposals For Al, Kleagle Bob

• I just got a call from Kleagle Bob Byrd, head of Al Gore's Task Force on Improving Goverment--yes, it's still meeting weekly and has an annual budget exceeding $7 billion!!--asking for input. Here's my short list of suggestions: 1) Mandatory term limits at all levels of government. No exceptions; 2) Eliminate all pensions for government employees at all levels--give them a huge, absurdly generous lump-sum payment in cash or gold bullion on completion of their service, then allow them no further raids on the treasury, ever; 3) No new legislation may be introduced during the final week of any session; 4) No vote on any legislation may be taken except during daylight hours; 5) Once a court has ruled on legislation or a proposed bill has been defeated, a mandatory moratorium on re-introducing the matter for a specified period of years (minimum of 20); 6) No piece of legislation may be attached at any time for any reason, ever, to any other piece of legislation. All legislation must be discussed and voted upon separately; 7) No parole or early release from any criminal sentence permitted for any reason, ever. All sentences must be served in full; 8) No nominee for any political office may be held hostage for any reasons--all nominees must be voted up or down within a specified time--say 60 days. Failure to do so will result in automatic 10-year jail sentence for all those responsible for acting on the nominee. I'm workin' on more! (May 31, 2002)

• A headline in the morning paper said that Kuwaiti May Have Plotted Attacks, and went on to tell how one of Osama's key lieutenants, Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, apparently was the mastermind behind the September 11 terrorist attacks against the United States. What good does it do us to know this? We can't arrest the guy, or even try to. That would be ethnic profiling. (June 5, 2002)

• Hey! Here's an idea that might be acceptable to the bleeders! The government should arrest people at random--just keep sorting through the pile, so to speak--until it finally arrests someone actually guilty of a crime against our country. Then hold them for a while, until the rest of us fall asleep or go back to our shopping. Then free them on a technicality, apologize, and give them all huge federal grants. That way everybody would be treated equally, the playing field would be level, and we'd show the world and ourselves that, by God--or the God of your choice-- nobody messes with us. Would that offend anybody? Would that work? (June 5, 2002)

It Depends On What The Meaning Of The Word 'Vehicle' Is

• Alleged shoe bomber Richard Reid's unjust persecution by the American judicial system grew one charge lighter when Judge William Young tossed out a charge of trying to wreck a "mass transportation vehicle." The judge determined that an airliner is not a vehicle. (June 12, 2002)

Like We Said: Always

• When dealing with Sick Willie we must remember the joke is always on us. Thus this morning's Indianapolis Star reported that Sick earned $9.2 million in speaking fees during his first year out of office. (June 17, 2002)

Big Hair--Sounds Like A Marty Robbins Song Title!

• John Kerry of Massachusetts must be planning to run for President. He's accused Dubya of a disastrous mistake in Mideast policy. I'd love to see JK get a haircut and run. I suspect he's a pretty impressive guy under all that hair. Of course he's seen as a Massachusetts liberal, and that might cost him 49 states.

• Dubya told the nation in his Saturday radio broadcast that the corporate crooks and white-collar grifters so much in the news lately are gonna face jail time if they are found to have broken the law. Sorry, Dubya, not good enough. Facing jail time is different than actually serving it. If Dubya wants to hit a home run in the hearts of Mr. and Mrs. Front Porch, he'll have to commit himself (and the Justice Department) to a course of pursuit that puts these people inside a prison instead of facing one. Nothing less will do. (June 29, 2002)

Sick's Itchin' For Combat!

• Sick was quoted in the papers early in August telling a Canadian audience at a fund-raiser that he'd be willing to grab a rifle, jump into a trench and fight to the death to defend Israel. This from a guy who draft-dodged his way past the Vietnam War and who, along with his bride, has expressed loathing for the American military. There's got to be an angle here, somewhere, but the wire story was short and buried on the inside pages. Funny, no national ruckus has been raised by the slipstream media or the big talking heads. (August 4, 2002)

• "Former Prez Bill Clinton, in a shameless bid for applause at a Jewish fund-raiser last week, said, 'I would grab a rifle and get in the trench and fight and die (for Israel).' "--Columnist Linda Stasi, writing in the New York Post August 4, 2002.

It's Deja Dumbass All Over Again!!! (Or: How Come Notyet Designated is Everybody's Running Mate?)

• Twenty-two months of practice hasn't been enough for Democrats to get it right. Word leaked out of Tallahassee, Florida, August 4 that the ballot for the big Democratic gubernatorial primary election contains "confusing language" which Dems fear will again bewilder their flock. The ballot was ready to be mailed to overseas absentee voters when the horror was discovered: instructions said "Vote for One Pair." The Dems by that meant that a voter should vote for one combination of governor and lieutenant governor--two of them, or one pair. But no gubernatorial candidate has chosen a lieutenant governor candidate, so a line which read "Not Yet Designated" was put in the space where that candidate's name would eventually go. Democrat pooh-bahs feared that confused voters would simply vote for a pair of candidates for governor. Sarah Jane Bradshaw of the Secretary of State's office said she wrote the new wording to replace earlier language which was "even more confusing." She told a St. Petersburg Times reporter that she was sure there would be more "fine-tuning" of the rules, because "Election law is an ongoing process." The Associated Press account of all this in the Indianapolis Star noted the terrible unpleasantness suffered by countless thousands of Florida Democrat voters in November, 2000, the last time they tried to vote, and quoted Nicole Harburger, a campaign spokesman for gubernatorial candidate Janet Reno, saying that "A mistake like this is a total embarrassment for the state. This ballot virtually guarantees that people in Florida will be overvoting and that ballots will be lost in the process." Alan Stonecipher, speaking on behalf of candidate Bill McBride, said, "It's just incredible that they're screwing up another one." Unconfirmed rumors were that an entire regiment of Al Gore's legal beagles, who have been airborne continuously over the United States since the November, 2000, election was stolen from them, were circling lazily at high altitude over the State Capital, ready to parachute in and launch a blizzard of lawsuits seeking justice. (August 4, 2002)

Brazile, Blair, Annan Backing Williams For Future White House Run?

• Democrat problems with the integrity of the voting process continue unabated. Now it's Wonderland, D.C., where incumbent Democrat mayor Anthony Williams, the successor to the legendary sleazebag, Marion Barry, has been thrown off the ballot in the September primary by his own city election board for certain unfortunate errors in judgment (code for: fraud) in his nominating petitions. Williams, hailed by Democrats everywhere as a brilliant leader and exemplar of the Party, turned in nominating petitions which contained the names of dead people--hey! Did he hire the Chicago Democratic Party as a campaign consultant?-- and such peculiarities as forged signatures for British Prime Minister Tony Blair and UN Secretary General Kofi Annan. A local court rejected Willliams' appeal of the election board ruling, and now he's walking the streets begging people to join in a huge write-in campaign to re-elect him. "As you know," he told locals at a recent rally, "I've got a little problem with the ballot. I don't like what happened," he told a woman in the audience, apparently referring to the fact that he'd been caught, "but I've got to keep doing what I'm doing." The Chicago Tribune quoted the legendary Donna Brazile, who lives in Wonderland, D.C. and was Al Gore's presidential campaign manager, admitting that, "On many important decisions regarding politics and some ethical issues, the mayor (Williams) has shown a lapse of judgment." But Brazile, who's apparently never met a Democrat scoundrel she couldn't ardently support, still stoutly backs the miscreant mayor. "There's a little thread that runs deeply through his administration and it's bad. It's terrible, and he has to correct that over the next four years," she told Frank James of the Tribune's Washington Bureau. Williams' reign as mayor has been marked by other alleged errors in judgment, too. A fire chief resigned after it was learned he had "inflated" his resume when applying for the job. A local non-profit group supporting the mayor is accused of using money it raised for a children's Christmas party to pay for a holiday reception for Williams' supporters. A local watchdog group estimated that about half the 10,000 signatures on Williams' petitions were forged, and that the same person had written many of the forged entries. Political insiders were said to be confident that Williams would still be re-elected. Following the trail of integrity blazed by Sick Willie, I've got a feeling Williams is future Democratic presidential timber. He'd make a perfect pairing with Hillary in 2008. (August 8, 2002)

Free At Last! Thank God Almighty, Free At Last!

• Republican Governor George Ryan of Illinois, whose political career is coming to a close, celebrated recently by uttering an honest comment in public: he admitted that he's never liked appearing in parades. Ryan told a Chicago Tribune reporter that since he's no longer a candidate for any office, he was free to quit trying to impress people. He started by skipping the traditional kickoff parade for the Illinois State Fair. "I'm not going to any more parades," Ryan chirped. "I don't like parades anywhere. I've never figured out why people like to sit along the curb all day and watch firetrucks and politicians go by. But they do." And we can't help but notice he's a Republican.

• The Billion Critter March For Billions in Bullion fell a bit short of projected attendance, but a wonderful time was reportedly had by the several thousand bleeder activists who marched angrily through Wonderland, D.C. for the weekend's rally to demand reparations for slavery and racism. The usual crowd of agitators and haranguers were present. ESPN and others filmed the proceedings, which were said to be relatively peaceful. This doesn't appear to be An Idea Whose Time Has Come but, as with all raids on the Treasury, these people will be at it until they get their front-row seat at the trough. "They owe us" is always an irresistible siren's call. (August 12, 2002)

Hillary's America. . .

• I missed the show, but rumor has it that Hillary Clinton appeared on Chris Matthews' Hardball program shortly after a federal judge's ruling earlier this summer that the words "under God" made the Pledge of Allegiance unconstitutional and told Chris that she'd like to have the pledge rewritten to read, "I pledge allegiance to the America that can be." No word on what that might be, but I think we can guess.

As Long As Hillary's Is Excreta-Soaked, We'll Buy In!!

• The Star's television writer, Marc Allen, hammered us August 13 with the news that--guess what?--TV is spewing a Niagara of references to precious bodily fluids and waste products. Allen cited such recent charmers as a Survivor episode which featured one contestant urinating on another, a character on the Bernie Mac Show vomiting on another person, and others barfing and peeing on Oz and Six Feet Under and Crime Scene Investigation and the Chris Isaak Show and The Shield. (I am personally delighted to report I've not seen any of these shows, ever). Allen noted, too, that there's a lot more profanity on television. Allen quoted HBO president Chris Albrecht asking anyone who was offended to explain to him why this stuff was ever unacceptable in the first place. Albrecht defended the rivers of urine, feces, puke and other excreta as no more than courageous artistic honesty and truth-telling. This stuff, he said, is "something we all do" and is "a way of showing the depth of the experience." Allen did present an opposing view, that of the unfortunately named Bill Clotworthy, a former censor on the Saturday Night Live program, who says all this gross stuff is a "sign of television's lack of creativity. . .and the continuing erosion of moral standards in our nation." Clotworthy opined that we're "very close" to full frontal nudity and "more graphic sexual activity" on American television. I can name at least a dozen other Americans who share Clotworthy's dim view of all this; but alas, we're outnumbered by hundreds of millions of our fellow Americans who revel in it. And so it goes in America. (August 13, 2002)

• Before the terrorists get all of us, I hope someone will explain to us why the gub'mint is giving Zacarias Moussaoui a trial in our civil court system and all the rights of an American citizen when he is not one. Can someone explain that?

Quick! Guess Which One They're Running!

• "It's just a joke to think that this witness can provide members of the United States Senate with information on important geological and water quality issues. We're either serious about the issues or we're running a sideshow." --Senator George Voinovich, commenting on the appearance of Kevin Richardson, a member of the rock group, BackstreetBoys, before the Environment and Public Works Committee to testify on the subject of removal mining. (From James Hirsen's June 11, 2002 Left Coast Report on the NewsMax.com website.)

• Anthony Bradley of Grand Rapids, Michigan, wrote to the New York Times about the August primary election defeat of two black Georgia Congresscritters, Bob Barr and Cynthia McKinney, and stated that "African-Americans are diverse and independent thinkers and voters. We do not all think alike. We are as politically diverse as the rest of America." What's Anthony been smoking? Ninety percent of blacks vote Democratic. He needs a sedative if he thinks that's independent thinking and voting. (August 25, 2002)

Floating A Trial Buffoon

• Cartoonist (Milo?) Oliphant tried out a novel idea on us this morning in the Indianapolis Star--a trial balloon. No, make that trial buffoon. His cartoon postulated Al Gore calling Hillary Clinton to invite her to run as his vice-presidential candidate in 2004. This would be a master stroke. It would assure eight years of Gore and eight more of Hillary, during whose reigns the Constitution could be amended to allow Sick Himself to return to be elected President For Life. Mark it down. I like the sound of Al and Hillary. It has, like napalm in the morning, the smell of victory. (August 27, 2002)

• Ever notice how despite the bleeders claiming they care for children and people you never hear them advocate a policy that would make anyone rich? They'd rather have them poor and stupid so they'll vote Democrat. Just a hunch.

• Word leaking out of Georgia is that soon-to-be ex-Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney is pondering running for President on a third party ticket. Perfect!

Looks Like A Gene Pool Problem To Me

• Weirdness still prevails down in darkest Florida, where on September 10 the state tried to have another election. Headlines in the nation's press the next day told of more (the same old) horrors in the Democratic primary: poll workers unable to get new electronic voting machines to operate, Democratic voters being given Republican ballots, polling places not opening on time, ballots tearing and jamming machines, potential voters unable to understand how to vote and poll workers unable to show them how, allegations of miscounts and lost counts, voters being turned away from the polls. Two of America's favorite counties, Broward and Miami-Dade, so famous for their debacles in the 2000 elections, were back in the limelight this time. The gub'nor, a dastardly Republican, ordered polls statewide to stay open an extra two hours. Activists were screaming conspiracy, fraud, racism, injustice. Al Gore's airborne (24-7-365) battalion of legal beagles were reported circling over South Florida ready to air-drop in seeking justice and a correct outcome. O.J. was reported still searching for his wife's killer and James Carville was still counting dangling chads from the 2000 election. And still, no report of a single Republican voter being unable to comprehend how to vote. (September 11, 2002)

• Chris Matthews was hyping his September 12 evening Hardball show evening show with an ad on the MSNBC website telling us "Chris Wants To Know: Why is Iraq the only nation in America's crosshairs?" Just a hunch: for the same reason Chris doesn't have his entire year's roster of hundreds of guests on one single night. There's only so much room and so much time, Chris, and someone has decided that Iraq is the top priority. Why should that be such a difficult concept for Chris to understand? (September 13, 2002)

• Let's nail this for the historical record: The five Watergate burglars were Eugenio Martinez, Bernard Barker, Frank Sturgis (aka Frank Fiorini), James McCord, and Virgilio Gonzalez. Their paymasters were the legendary G. Gordon Liddy and Howard (Nobody Will Recognize Me In This Silly Red Wig and Groucho Glasses) Hunt. (September 13, 2002)

• Our TV screens were ablaze last night with images of Senator Daschle fuming and sputtering on the Senate floor, demanding that Dubya apologize to Democrats who fought in Vietnam and World War II. This after Dubya dropped a line that Democrats seemed more interested in playing politics than making America secure from terrorism. This bulletin for The Tomster: Three percent of the United States Congress has served in the U.S. Military, and not all those were Democrats. Not a big audience for an apology, one I hope is not delivered.

A Footnote: Williams Storms To D.C. Triumph!

• Mayor Anthony Williams's re-election bid cleared its last hurdle in September when the Democratic faithful stormed the polls to give him a cakewalk 3-1 triumph fueled exclusively by write-in votes. Williams' name was removed from the ballot in late summer after fraud was discovered in his nominating petitions. Williams responded with a massive write-in campaign. As of mid-October, there was no Republican candidate opposing Williams, whose election is assured in any event. (September 28, 2002)

• When Bobby The Torch--the Esteemed and Honorable Robert G. Torricelli-- bailed out last week he uttered a lament that should last through the ages as still another indicator of how silly Democrats can get. Announcing his withdrawl from his re-election campaign Torricelli bitterly wondered, "When did we become such an unforgiving people?" This in the face of evidence everywhere that Americans forgive almost anything. (October 3, 2002)

• The New Jersey Supremes' 7-0 vote to overturn state election law and let the Dems replace Bobby The Torch confounds on one level but is ho-hum on another. We're used to seeing lefties parse the language to find previously unimagined meanings in constitutions, so their claim that 51 days doesn't really mean 51 days, it means whatever Democracts need at the moment wasn't shocking. After watching Al Gore's legal beagles dance and spin in Florida two years ago, nothing could really surprise. Except there was this minor eyebrow lifter: it was reported that six of the seven justices of the New Jersey Supreme Court were appointed by former governor Christie Todd Whitman, and the court's current makeup was four Democrats, two Republicans, and one Independent. This would mean that Whitman, said to be a Republican, had to have appointed Democrats to the court. Can this be true? And if so, did any Republicans even notice at the time?

• The Jersey Supremes' unanimous vote doesn't really even the score in Democrat eyes for Florida--nothing can ever make up for that crime!--but it's a nice first step toward justice and vengeance. Still, a much more delicious scenario was advanced by a Democrat legal beagle during the tense hours while the Jersey Justices deliberated. Angelo Genova, attorney for the New Jersey state Democratic Party, said that if the Democrats somehow lost their plea before the state Supreme Court, they could fall back on this beauty: Torricelli could be persuaded to resign his Senate seat immediately, which would then allow the Democratic state governor, James McGreevey, to appoint his successor. That done, McGreevey could then, according to Genova, postpone the election for over a year, to November of 2003. That would level the playing field, give the Democrats an additional year to raise money and trash the Republican Antichrist, and assure the correct outcome in a state which has not elected a Republican since Clifford Case in 1972. But, alas, we have been deprived of that. Next time, perhaps.

• A day or two post-Torricelli, one of our national pundits weighed in with this breath-taking daydream: what a master-stroke it would have been if the Republicans could have prevailed upon the present GOP candidate to resign, so that the party could petition the same New Jersey Supreme Court seeking "equitable relief" and in words identical to those used by the Democrats in their plea to replace The Torch. The Republican replacement would have been Rudy Giuliani.What fun to watch 'em squirm with that living, breathing Constitution lefties so love. But, alas, nobody on the Republican side was clever or talented enough to make it happen, and so a truly golden opportunity was lost. (October 8, 2002)

A Mere But Inexplicable Coincidence, Surely

• "Richard Milhouse Nixon was the first president whose name contains all the letters from the word "criminal." The second? William Jefferson Clinton." --One of a dozen or so items in a "Did You Know" list circulating on the Internet in late summer of 2002.

Extinguishing The Torch. . .

• "(the) sensational allegations made against Senator Torricelli have been proven false and without foundation." --Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle, in late August, 2002, responding to a "serious rebuke" of Senator Robert (Bobby The Torch) Torricelli of New Jersey by the Senate's ethics committee.

• "You can't possibly appreciate the job Torricelli does." --Senator Daschle, speaking to a cheering Trenton, New Jersey, crowd at a Torricelli campaign rally in late September, 2002.

• "I have never been prouder to be on a dais as I have this afternoon with the leadership you've got in the state of New Jersey." --New Jersey Senator Jon Corzine, with Daschle on the dais at the same Trenton, New Jersey, campaign rally for Senator Torricelli. Within a week Torricelli was forced by his party to drop out of the race when polls showed him trailing a Republican challenger largely due to freshly-public information about fund-raising corruption involving The Torch.

• Alan Colmes, resident lefty on cable TV's Hannity & Colmes blabber show, was rubbing his hands in glee last night at a chance to harpoon the troglodytic rightwing kook and former Secretary of State, Al ("I Am In Charge Here") Haig with what Colmes posited as a hypocritical contradiction in Dubya's war-whooping against Iraq. How, Alan asked Al, do you explain the fact that we're screaming for war against Iraq without proof--without proof, mind you--that Iraq has nuclear weapons but not screaming for war against North Korea which just today--just today-- has admitted it does have nuclear weapons? How come we aren't going to war with North Korea? How do you explain that, Mr. Secretary? Haig's non-answer was thoroughly unimpressive. But from the stygian gloom of my bunker I have two potential answers Haig could have offered: 1) "One thing at a time, Alan, one thing at a time. All in due course;" or 2) "Because North Korea's missiles could reach California and the Oregon and Washington coasts west of the mountains, and if there's any chance at all they'll nuke those leftwing bastions, we want to give them the opportunity to do so." Then Haig should have bolted from his chair, cackling wildly, and vaulted off the set into the night. But, alas, Haig, a Democrat's dream, only sat there, pretending he didn't hear, waxy smile on his face, mumbling. This should prove to be the highlight of Colmes's week. Sean Hannity, by the way, is the latest overhyped talk show fraud to take America by storm. Pray that this passes. (October 17, 2002)

• "Congress needs to act and vote. There needs to be a vote in Congress." --West Virginia Senator Robert ("Kleagle Bob") Byrd, on August 30, 2002, denouncing Dubya for appearing to bypass Congress before taking action against Iraq.

• "What's the big hurry? Why is it so imminent? Why here and now? Why before the election?" --Kleagle Bob Byrd, in early October, 2002, protesting Dubya's insistence on a vote in the House and Senate on a resolution in the Iraq Unpleasantness.

• ". . .when (Vermont Senator Jim) Jeffords switched parties, it improved the average IQ of both parties." --Ann Coulter, writing in the October 14 issue of Human Events.

• "It's nonsense." -- Secretary of State Colin Powell, on ABC TV's This Week program, responding to host George Stephanopolous's claim that"some" (never identified) members of Congress were saying the Bush Administration kept secret the news that North Korea had recently admitted it had a nuclear weapons program until after Congress had voted on the Iraq resolutions. (October 21, 2002)

• Anyone else find it amusing that the Harry Belafonte who accused Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice of being "house niggers," and not black enough for supporting Bush's policies against Iraq is the same intellectually and morally bankrupt Harry Belafonte who divorced a black woman in 1957 to marry a white one? (And so far only one journalist I've seen has mentioned it--columnist Leonard Pitts in the Chicago Tribune October 22, 2002.)

• "Lee, I hope you understand there's nothing personal in this. We're still friends, aren't we? It's only political, you know." --Lyndon Johnson, Democrat Senator from Texas, quoted by his biographer, Robert A. Caro, in Caro's third volumn (of a planned four) on Johnson's life, titled The Years of Lyndon Johnson: Master of the Senate. Johnson is said by Caro to have uttered these words to Leland Olds, then chairman of the Federal Power Commission, "after having engineered the destruction of his (Olds's) career" in a "Red-baiting attack" on the chairman.

No You Weren't; You Were Told To Wait Outside

• "I was stunned. Suddenly I was told I couldn't vote." --Janet Reno, quoted in a October 23 Chicago Tribune story on election reform. Reno was describing the morning of her Florida primary election day (September 10) when she arrived at her Miami-Dade County polling place ready to vote but election officials had not yet unlocked the doors or turned on the new "touch-screen" voting machines. Officials told her to wait outside, not that she "couldn't vote." She and others waited, and eventually got to vote. Why do people talk and (apparently) think like this?

With Thousands of Lawyers On The Ground, And Millions Of Voters Parachuting In, This Will Be Bigger Than The Normandy Invasion!!

• "We will have thousands of lawyers on the ground, so that no one is intimidated. After what happened in the Florida primary on September 10, we are not going to stand on the sidelines while a third Florida election is bungled." --Terry "Global Crossing" McAuliffe, national chairman of the Democrat Party, quoted in the Chicago Tribune's October 23, 2002, story on election reform. (October 23, 2002)

• The Dems' national chieftain, Terry (Global Crossing) McAuliffe is promising the faithful that the party will have a nationwide 800 number available Election Day so that any Democrat bedeviled by butterfly ballots, dangling chads, faulty machinery, inability to spell their names or read or write, of who suspects plain old Republican chicanery, racism, and human rights violations--or even a Republican under his bed-- may call for immediate help. Bet money one number won't be enough. (October 23, 2002)

Ready To Shop, But. . .

• Former Senators Gary (I Dare You To Take My Picture) Hart and Warren Rudman, co-chaircritters of a task force assessing U.S. preparedness for future terrorist attacks, have released their reports. "America is dangerously unprepared," they concluded. What? You mean all this shopping, all this getting back to our normal lives, all this random screening of 97-year-old quadruplegic grandmothers, all this talk-show yapping from Chris Matthews, Susan Estrich, Phil Donahue, Geraldo Rivera, Hannity & Colmes, Larry King, and Al Sharpton, the nightly avuncular newsreading presences of Dan, Peter, Tom and the other big talking heads hasn't gotten us in a turgid state of readiness? You coulda knocked me over with a feather when I heard this. (October 25, 2002)

• Senator Paul Wellstone's death barely two weeks before the election means the Democrats will have the torture machine in high gear again. Only one thing's certain: it'll be fiendishly clever and it'll hurt something terrible.

• Too late to replace Wellstone on the actual ballot? No matter. Dems will again happily elect a corpse, and actually believe no one will notice.

• Not too late? A million delicious scenarios present themselves. Governor Ventura could appoint Sick Willie to fill out the remainder of Wellstone's term, pick some other lefty hack--how about Walter Mondale?--to run on the ballot. Sick serves till the end of the present Congressional term and retires, now qualifying for both a federal Senatorial pension worth millions and a handsome payoff from Minnesota, too. The new hack wins the election and takes Sick's seat next January.

Sick? Jesse? Torch? Go For It!

• Or Jesse could insert Sick on the ballot, name himself to fill out Wellstone's term. Sick could campaign a couple of weeks, win the election, then resign, Then the governor of New Jersey--or Ventura--could name Bobby (The Torch) Torricelli to replace the just-elected Sick. Bobby's not a Minnesota resident, you say? No problem. A court can be found to wave away the rule.The New Jersey Supremes have already provided precedent!. Jesse gets that rich Senatorial pension. Sick does , too. And Bobby The Torch is back in action!

• The most likely next stunt will involve Democrats petitioning the Minnesota Supreme Court to overturn state law governing absentee ballots. According to a TV pundit, over 100,000 of them are already in the hands of voters, and they of course bear Wellstone's name. State law says those ballots, if returned marked for Wellstone, cannot be counted as votes for the individual who replaces Wellstone. Lefties will sue to get a ruling that the intent of those Wellstone votes is surely to vote Democratic--this concept was pioneered in those legendary Gorenian Challenge Days in Florida 2000--and that therefore the court must provide voter equity and justice by ruling them to be votes for whichever Democrat now inhabits the ballot. I expect the Minnesota Supreme Court to eagerly buy in in and so rule. All we can hope is that they use some Vaseline. The corpse, or whatever replaces it, will thunder to triumph in Minnesota, the Land of 10,000 Lakes and 10 Billion Liberals. (October 26, 2002)

• There's got to be a way for get justice here, to get equity. Great minds are working on it, be sure.

• What about the report that a man in an aircraft mechanic's suit who strongly resembled Dick Cheney was seen lurking around Wellstone's turboprop before takeoff? Or was that Dem strategist Jimbo Carville, who'd found out Wellstone was sinking in the polls? (October 25, 2002)

51: Therein Lies Doom For Republicans

• Whatever happens Election Day, the Republicans absolutely dare not end up with a 51-49 edge in the Senate. The Democrats already have a New Jersey Supreme Court ruling that 51 does not mean 51. It means 36. So a 51-49 Republican lead would transform by court order to a 36-64 deficit. Anything but 51, guys. Anything.

• But on the other hand, what would happen if the Democrats finished with 51 seats? Answer: All Supreme Courts would refuse to hear a Republican appeal for equity, commenting that 51 means 51, nothing else.

And the Same Ought To Go For Citizens, Journalists, And All The Rest Of Us

• ". . .When public servants lose their capacity for outrage. . .they have outlived their usefulness to the country." --Arizona Senator John McCain, in his memoir, Worth The Fighting For.

• American government and opinion leaders have worked assiduously since September 11 to convince us that Islam isn't really our enemy. Islam is a religion of peace, they tell us, it's just a few extremist kooks who don't really represent the true Islam who are causing all the trouble. Muslim propaganda organizations have joined in the chorus with full-page ads and other sympathies. I suspect they're lying to us, or deluded, or both. That includes our own leaders. I suspect that ultimately we'll discover that Islam is a murderous religion which aims at the complete annihilation of Christianity, and of all non-Islamic civilizations. Our choice is childishly simple: annihilate them, or we are doomed. (October 25, 2002)

• The "Apathy By A Landslide" headline caught my attention. It was a New York Times book review of The Vanishing Voter, an analysis of recent American election statistics and trends by author Thomas Patterson, a Harvard professor of government. Patterson spotted the obvious: campaigns run on far too long, the press does a crappy job, and citizens reported they felt that "candidates are not very worthy of respect." There were no particularly stunning insights mentioned in the review, but I enjoyed this nugget for its own sake: "Patterson," the reviewer wrote, "notes that for every minute Bush and Gore spoke on evening network newscasts (in the 2000 campaign), the reporters covering them spoke for six minutes."

• Meet The Press brought back two of my old favorites Sunday, James Carville and Newt Gingrich. The contrast was instructive and must pain at least some Democrats. There was the inimitably reptilian Carville. . .beetle-browed, head down but bobbing and swaying to and fro, eyes downcast, face twisted and contorted, spewing angry mantra--be honest now, would you have been at all surprised to have seen a slithering, forked tongue darting in and out of his mouth?--a Kimodo dragon in a business suit. I'm sure lefties watching felt Newt was equally loathsome. It was hard to tell what host Tim Russert felt. For my money, it was wonderful comic relief on an other wise droopy Sunday. (October 27, 2002)

• Lefties enjoy using the term "mean-spirited" to describe their enemies on the right, and accuse conservatives in general of being viciously insensitive to the sufferings of all but their own kind. Within a day or two after the death of Minnesota liberal Senator Paul Wellstone in a plane crash, a national Democratic website was said to be swamped with messages claiming that Dubya, in cahoots with the CIA, was responsible for the deaths of Wellstone and members of his family and staff. Nothing "mean-spirited" about that, I suppose. And surely It cannot be true. (October 28, 2002)

• A correspondent recommended that I find the October 25 New York Times and look in it for a column by Paul Krugman. Krugman, came word from the hamlet of Deerfly on the plains of North Central Indiana, says that Dubya and his close circle of friends are liars, that they "cook" intelligence reports to justify an invasion of Iraq, and have "shamelessly" used the Unpleasantnesses of 9/11 to "advance their political agenda." This is a terrible indictment of Dubya's administration, the writer said, and one he is inclined to agree with. I thought about that and replied that the meanspiritedness, viciousness and outright dopeyness apparent in Klugman's column--if indeed he is making these allegations--mirror the way Sick Willie's vast army of enemies slashed and tore at him during his terms of office. Turnabout is fair play, I said, so the Left's army of wackos is entitled to its fulminations. But where do Mr. and Mrs. Front Porch go for fair, objective, unbiased reporting and analysis? Where do we find writers or publications unpoisoned by ideology?

• Sources tell me Terry McAuliffe is apogoddamnplectic over yesterday's Terrible Unpleasantness Said to Have Involved Haitians Being Prematurely Off-Loaded For Next Tuesday's Election. That boat--and the rest of the mighty armada of ships mustering offshore--was under strict orders to stay outside the 12-mile limit until the early morning hours of November 5. Not until precisely 4 a.m. on that day were they to head to Florida shores with their cargo of some 945,000 freshly registered Democratic Haitians and others of unknown origin for dispersal at polling places throughout the state. The pilot who put ashore early at Key Biscayne was a rogue operator, McAuliffe is assuring insiders. The Dems' challenge now is to keep the media and other troublemaking pricks anesthetized (Putin's successful pre-testing of disabling gas during last week's Moscow music hall dustup having provided the final "go" for the Dems' plan) and get Operation Avenging Angel back on target. Insiders are comparing the Dems' November 5 Florida operation to the great campaigns of history. Most agree it will far surpass the Normandy Invasion in complexity and scope. I have a hunch--just a hunch, mind you--that come Tuesday night we'll be in total awe. (October 31, 2002)

It's That Big, Happy Family Again--A Stack of Blanks, A Barrel Of Wite-Out, And One Guy Signin' For All!

• The Indianapolis Star was alert enough to record this beautiful, beautiful scene for its readers: An emergency meeting of the Marion County Election Board had to be called (October 30) to deal with Certain Peculiarities Some Troublemaking Prick Noticed in Absentee Ballot Applications. The board's attorney told eager reporters that among the oddities were "signatures on applications (for absentee ballots) that do not match signatures on file with the voter registration board" and "applications in which the voter's name is misspelled and Wite-Out was used to change the voters' addresses." The board voted to go ahead and send ballots to all of them but vowed--because a reporter was present, no doubt--that, by golly, those "ballots will be scrutinized on Election Day." The County Clerk--a goddamn mean-spirited, vicious, racist, troglodytic right-wing kook Republican, let me be the first to note--was quoted saying that "it appeared the same person had signed multiple applications." A Democrat member of the board confessed he was concerned and disappointed "that the majority of the applications called into question came from Center Township, a Democratic stronghold." As he said this, that Democrat member--perhaps unconsciously mimicking those legendary scenes from the fabled days of the Florida 2000 Gorenian Challenge--held aloft one of the Applications in Question, examined it under the lights, and nonjudgmentally told reporters, "I'm not willing to give evil motives for this," then added that "family members often sign papers for one another." Priceless! (October 31, 2002)

• "We should be proud of the enemies we have. They represent a judgment that we are doing something right in the world." --George Will, author and syndicated columnist, on the Book-TV program on C-Span2, Sunday November 3, 2002.

• Will also said that the utter vulgarity of Paul Wellstone Death Rally in Minneapolis was an outgrowth of the left's view that all politics is personal and everything is political. He said the far right factions of the Republican party indulge in their own version of this, with their offensive piety. Both sides, he said, are unable to keep politics from intruding into every phase of our lives. (November 3, 2002)

• I missed the Wellstone Grief-O-Rama completely, but am hearing more and more pundits left and right say that it was truly scandalous. A few Democrats are even voicing concern that the spectacle may damage their party in the November 5 election. I'll be surprised if it does. It seemed like just another Clinton-style grotesquerie to me, from a party which knows utterly no shame, none.

• Just before I drifted off to sleep the night before the election, this vision. . .those ships massed off the coast of Florida. . .hundreds of thousands of Democrat Haitians storming ashore under heavy naval bombardment, linking up with those thousands of lawyers already on the ground. . .Jimbo Carville in combat cammo fatigues and black greasepaint, Bowie knife clenched in his teeth, face contorted in reptilian hate, seething ashore in a black rubber dinghy through gale-driven rain and crashing waves, leading the jihad assault, calling Terry (Global Crossing) McAuliffe's emergency 800 number with coordinates. (November 4, 2002)

• Hey! Does everybody have Terry's special 800 number to phone in reports of voter fraud, intimidation, and human rights violations on Election Day? I'm coiled, ready, and have at least a dozen of my cell phones preset to dial the emergency number, so the call will go out even before I hit the floor unconscious from the gas cloud. (November 4, 2002)

• Rain fell across central Indiana on Election Day. But it didn't bother Republicans, who arrived at their polling places in limousines. Ten out of 18 people in our department at Universal Export voted. That's way higher than the public at large, but the staff, loaded as it is with college degrees and professional certifications, is far from the typical voter profile. I'd bet a Mandrill sandwich most of ours voted Democratic. (November 5, 2002)

• In the big wider world outside the workplace, though, only about 20 per cent of registered voters go to the polls. A pleasing thought. That leaves the decisions disproportionately in the hands of kook crackpot troglodytic wackos like me, who vote and vote with a vengeance. Will they ever catch on? (November 5, 2002)

• Signs at my voting place said that the law now requires polling place workers to ask voters for an "identifying number." This can be either an Indiana driver's license or a Social Security number. But the fella handling the registration book does not ask for that identification, even when I pointedly ask him about it, even when Mogo and I goaded him to. He shrugged and smiled embarrassedly, and refused to ask for any ID. Could he have been afraid of being arrested for profiling, or being judgmental?

• Is anyone else struck by how many campaign-related messages you see (yard signs, billboards, brochures, and the like) where the individual's party affiliation is either absent or in microscopically small print? Are they afraid to tell us what party they represent? Some spinner must have figured out there's more downside than upside to revealing it, so they don't. (November 5, 2002)
• Indiana law says that no campaign workers or campaign material (leaflets, signs, posters, that sort of thing) are allowed within 50 feet of a polling place. I asked several friendly election workers what the rules were at the Mt. Upchuck Precinct where I vote. One fellow seemed vaguely familiar with the concept. He said they measure their 50 feet from where the clerk sits--at the table with the voter registration book you must sign before voting. They measure across the floor, out the door, and so on. Even using that ridiculous standard, violations were abundant. It was obvious nobody but me cared, too. All present were winkin', blinkin', and noddin'. (November 5, 2002)
• On the radio enroute to work, I swear I heard a report from Florida that thousands of ultralights piloted by campaign workers were flying low over the state, dumping overboard huge clouds of tinfoil dangling chads to confuse radar, and that there were already over 250 "doubles" of James Carville spotted on the ground, each a perfect replicant, each brandishing aloft a cellphone pre-programmed to Terry (Global Crossing) McAuliffe's special emergency number. Could this be? I cried as I wheeled my deep titanium Ford Probe into the parking lot. Could this be?
• Late on Election Night, aerial reconnaisance reported a bedraggled three-man expedition digging frantically in a barren desert area of western South Dakota. They were believed to be excavating a tribal graveyard in search of additional Indian corpses to haul to the nearby town of Vile Gorge to vote Democratic. Photographs indicated the threesome consisted of the legendary J. Carville, Terry (Global Crossing) McAuliffe, and Thomas Daschle. An American Predator drone was quickly positioned and was said to be awaiting firing coordinates and clearance which, alas, never came. (November 6, 2002)
• Choosing my favorite Election Night cuddly moments isn't easy. The nominees include: (1) Watching Democrat wacko and former Gore campaign manager Donna Brazile grow steadily more morose and desperate on Chris Matthews' Hardball show. She was joined on Chris's four-person pundit panel by the adenoidal pollster (and former avid Democrat) Pat Caddell, Newsweek's Howard Fineman, and former Reagan speech writer, Peggy Noonan. Donna's answers grew snappish and curt as the grim news kept sluicing in. She was an especially mean-spirited, vicious Gorenian who trashed Dubya mercilessly in the 2000 campaign, and it was deeply satifying to see her have to endure a horrifying evening; (2) the moment that Fox News projected Jeb Bush the winner in the Florida gub'nor's race, and knowing how deeply this hurt the Democrats. McAuliffe and other top Demo pooh-bahs had loudly proclaimed Florida their single most important target, and the party for two long years had carefully nursed its seething grievances from the 2000 election. Destroying Jebster was to be part of their vengeance against Dubya. Jeb's cakewalk had to just tear the guts out of the Democratic Party's McAuliffe-Clinton-Daschle-Carville-Sharpton-Jackson-McKinney mad dog Taliban axis, a thrill rarely surpassed in my lifetime; (3) The Minnesota results, with Mondale sent packing in a mad-dog Democrat state, particularly after the way the Democrats disgraced themselves at the Wellstone memorial campaign rally; (4) Not seeing even one second of Tom Brokaw, Dan Rather, Peter Jennings polluting the TV screen. On a night of high political drama they were utterly irrelevant; (5) Learning that the legendary buffooon and Democrat statesman, James Trafficant of Ohio, was able to attract 15 percent of the vote despite conducting his congressional re-election campaign from prison; (6) the easy victory won by Katherine Harris, the former Florida secretary of state who became the Antichrist to the Gorenians for her role in the 2000 presidential election, and who in January will go to Wonderland D.C. to serve in the U.S. House of Representatives. There, one hopes, she will help drive more Democrats into institutional care. (November 6, 2002)
• There were a few minor punch bowl deposits, however: (1) Peggy Noonan's signature mane-tossing and stage gestures on Hardball. She grows quickly tiresome, though I believe she has interesting political insights; (2) the news that the oleaginous Trent Lott will become the next Senate Majority Leader (replacing the equally obnoxious Tom Daschle) is depressing; (3) channel-slaloming past CNN, I stopped a moment at a familiar sight, the hideous James Carville, who seemed to be teaming with columnist Robert Novak, CNN's ridiculous Judy Woodruff, and some other pundit. I kep' movin' and never looked back.
• Some things are unexplainable. For example, world-class buffoon, Judge Z. Mae Jimison, finished 16th of 16 candidates running for Marion County Superior Court Judge. Only 15 judge positions were available, so Jimison, a Democrat, and the only candidate in Tuesday's election who was given the Indianapolis Bar Association's "Not Recommended" rating, is out of a job after what seems a lifetime on the bench. I would be willing to bet the life of a first-born, though, that she'll be back at the trough soon, most likely by way of a political appointment to something cushy and lucrative, like supervisor of a state auto license branch. Still, this display of insight by voters is truly inspiring. (November 6, 2002)

Wacko Fruitcake Night On Hardball?

• Some old friends surfaced on Chris Matthews' Hardball program Thursday night: former California congressman "B-1 Bob" Dornan, the old Watergate conspirator, G. Gordon Liddy, and pundit Pat Buchanan. It was never clear just what Chris had in mind by being in the same room with these people, but the conversation was lively. Never one to mince words, "B-1 Bob" said Hillary Clinton "is the new Bella Abzug--she'll be on all our campaign literature," and described her husband, Sick, as "a mini-antichrist." Another guest, the Right Rev. Al Sharpton, blasted the Democrats for running a crappy campaign and said Democrat strategy consisted of "Bill Clinton, a Coke, and a smile." Sharpton did not note that almost everywhere Sick and Al Gore appeared publicly to campaign, their ridiculous party lost, or that more than one Democrat candidate pointedly asked Sick and Al not to campaign for them. Sharpton is said to be dreaming of a run for President. If so, he can try his strategy of demagoguery, race-baiting, and a Coke. (November 7, 2002)

Next Time, Keep It A Secret, Guys; It's Your Best Hope.

• The Big Talking, Yelling, and Interrupting Heads on television and their pundit-spinner guests are saying there are two big reasons the Democrats did so poorly Tuesday: (1) They Didn't Get Their Message Out, and (2) The Voters Never Really Got To Know Who We Are. Baloney. Their problem was they did get their message out and the voters did know what they really are.
• I have some left-of-center friends. They were maintaining radio silence after the election. Mourning, probably. Being an IU football fan, I know that numb, dead feeling. I'll keep a respectful distance for a while, crumpling and rumpling the bill of my old grey fedora, trying to let them work through the pain, shuffling my feet, waiting, waiting.

• Gary (Go Ahead, I Dare You To Take My Picture) Hart, former Colorado Senator and one-time Democratic presidential candidate, told eager Denver Post reporters this week that he is considering running for president again in 2004. Hart dropped out of the 1988 campaign after being caught in the company of model Dawn Rice at a Washington townhouse. A published photo of Rice sitting on Hart's lap aboard a yacht sealed the deal. "That was an issue between me and the press, not me and the American people," Hart told the Post.

Don't Vote! It Only Encourages Them!

• "As usual, I had to vote Illinois style this election--namely, vote against the incompetent political hack you despise the most." --Jon Thomas, of Lombard, Illinois, twitting in a letter to the editor of the Chicago Tribune November 9.

• Legendary outgoing rightwing kook extremist troglodyte--code for: Republican-- Congressman Dick Armey of Texas ripped off one of the century's greatest lines last weekend when asked what he thought about the Democrats choosing Boston as the site of their 2004 presidential nominating convention. Dick is said to have fixed eager reporters with a twinkling eye and said--and I paraphrase here--"It's a great decision. The Democrats will be more comfortable in Boston than they would be in America." (November 18, 2002)

• And on top of that, the Star opted not to tell us the second most important thing about the Senate's big vote approving the Homeland Security bill--the names of the 9 Democratic Senators who voted against it. I found out from the janitor down at Universal Export once I got to work. They were: Ted Kennedy, Jimbo Jeffords, Kleagle Bob Byrd, Ernest Hollings, Daniel Inouye, Carl Levin, Paul Sarbanes, Russ Feingold, and the other guy from Hawaii, Whatshisname Akaka. Yeah, yeah, I know, Jeffords calls himself an Independent, but he's blowing smoke on that. He's a Democrat.

• Deposed Senate Majority Leader Tom Daschle's late-November rant against Rush Limbaugh and the vast, evil, rightwook conspiracy of conservative talk radio was simply pathetic, the mark of a man unhinged, and typical of what liberals turn to when their masks of bipartisanship drop. (November 26, 2002).

• One of my left-of-center friends must have sent my name in as a little joke to a liberal organization or two, asking for information, hinting at big contributions, that sort fo thing. I've been getting lots of mail lately from places like the ACLU, the Sierra Club and other wacko leftwing extremist kook groups. But this sort of joke backfires. I tear up all their enclosed literature, add some of my own waste basket scraps to jack up the weight, and send all the shreddings back to the organization in the postage-paid envelope they unfailingly supply. I figure this joke costs the lefties a dollar or more every time the mailman delivers me something. I love this. (December 1, 2002)

Red Meat Rally May Cost Dems

• Political scientists and pundits are in with their verdict: the Red Meat Rally in Minneapolis Celebrating Paul Wellstone's Death damaged the Democrats on Election Day, not only in Minnesota but nationally. Kathleen Jamieson, a dean at the University of Pennsylvania, said the whole problem was in the "labeling" of the big event, which drew 20,000 and filled a college basketball fieldhouse. "The mistake was in labeling this a memorial," she said, "instead of a celebration" (of the lives of the deceased). Steve Smith, a think tank director at Washington University in St. Louis, said "errors in judgment" played a big role in the Unpleasantness. Another "source" whose name was not revealed told Associated Press the rally planners turned down a suggestion to convene in a "more somber setting such as a cathedral" because Wellstone was Jewish, and many of the planners felt that a church setting "wouldn't reflect the 'populist bent' of the late Senator. Afterwards, the Associated Press said, the event's organizers "were in shock" and some "immediately realized it was a public relations disaster." Smith opined that it was just unrealistic to expect Wellstone supporters to "be quiet as pictures of Trent Lott and others flashed on the screen." It may have been too much to expect of Wellstone supporters, but it would not have been too much to ask of people who'd been taught good manners and self-control. Truth is, this was nothing more than a nationally telecast liberal meanspiritedness festival which backfired. Good! (December 1, 2002)

• One of those spam lists floating around the Internet notes that Sick Willie is getting $12 million for his memoirs and Hillary is getting $8 million for hers, and notes how odd this is for two people who spent eight years being unable to recall anything about past events while under oath. I agree. It is peculiar. But it is not surprising.

Dumb, Googoled

• Trent Lott's ridiculous comments at Strom Thurmond's birthday gala in Wonderland, D.C. will stir a firestorm on the left, and maybe other places, too. They can't be explained away as a slip of the tongue, either. They'll go down as among the most thunderously stupid things anyone has ever said in public. I can't help wondering, though: are the people screaming for Lott's resignation the same ones who insisted Sick Willie should never resign? Got a hunch I know the answer. (December 6, 2002)

• "Elections are decided today in the suburbs. The Republicans' problem (in the suburbs) is the vague suspicion that they are morally primitive." --George Will, on the difficulty Trent Lott's comments pose for his party, on ABC's This Week program December 15.

• Not much peepin' from lefties about the news that a federal judge has ruled in favor of vice president Cheney's position and against the Government Accounting Office's in a lawsuit filed by the GAO and championed by liberals. The GAO wanted the court to order Cheney to turn over records of national energy task force meetings headed by Cheney. The Dems have been ragging the White House about this for months. The court noted that these things have traditionally been private and that it would not referee what was essentially a squabble between two branches of government over their respective powers. Democratic Senator John Dingell noted darkly that the ruling came from a judge who had been appointed by Dubya only a year ago.

Bartender! Spin School For Everyone!

• Odd experience Sunday watching the news talk shows. Senator Carl Levin of Michigan was on Meet The Press spinning and expertly deflecting host Tim Russert's questions, in addition to accusing the entire Republican Party since inception of racism, coded or blatant. Senator Joe Lieberman was over on ABC fencing with host George Stephanopolous with notably less success. What struck me was that these two and other Democrat guests uttered virtually the same sentences. It was as if they'd gone to a training seminar to get ready for the ongoing assault on Trent Lott on the Sunday shows. They seemed to be running down a list of talking points and buzz phrases so alike it was eerie. Anyone else notice this? I'm sure lefties would say the "other side" does this, too, though I have trouble believing Republicans are that competent and smooth. The experience, regardless of party affiliation, creates a sense of unease, and of awe at how slick and clever modern politicians are at "staying on message," and how difficult it is for reporters or interviewers to get a direct and complete answer to anything. Of course, reporters seldom ask the right questions--or enough of them--to get un-spun answers, either. (December 15, 2002)

Hey Joe. . .Gotcha!

• Poor Joe Lieberman found himself ensnared in a "Gotcha" moment Sunday when George Stephanopolous pointed out that Lieberman had excused Democrat Senator Robert Byrd's famous "white nigger" remark on television last year as being the "product of fatigue and a tired mind" (presumably Byrd's). Lieberman replied that he "didn't remember exactly what he said", at which point Stephanopolous interrupted to confirm that this was "exactly what you said." Lieberman, appearing momentarily stunned, recovered by saying that, well, yes, the Senate should be condemning not only what Lott said but any other statements made by any other member which even remotely were like what Lott had said. This was a deeply satisfying moment. . .Another guest, Republican Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky, told Stephanopolous that if the Democrats introduced a resolution to censure Trent Lott, he could promise that it would be amended to include Senator Byrd and other Democrats who had uttered racially-insensitive remarks. McConnell is the only Republican I've heard so far who has shown any willingness to play hardball and fight back on the matter. Stephanopolous himself speculated that Lott's forces might already be playing hardball by hinting that Lott would resign his Senate seat if forced out of his leadership position, thus setting the stage for the Democrat governor of Mississipppi to name his replacement--sure to be a Democrat, which would bring the Senate back to a 50-50 tie. (December 15, 2002)

I Think We Know The Answer: Gimme An H!. . . Gimme A Y!. . . Gimme A P! . . .

• We've heard Trent Lott's remarks explained a thousand dozen ways, none of which have worked. Always in the background is Strom Thurmond's 100th birthday party, and so we've been treated to more mentions of and news about Thurmond than most of us would ever wish for. This cosmic question occurs: if so many of our Senators and Representatives are as exquisitively sensitive, tortured, remorseful, and guilt-ridden about matters of race as their current outrage against Lott implies they are, what were any of them doing attending any ceremony to honor Strom Thurmond? Why would they consent to even be in the same room with this legendary racist? (December 16, 2002)

Sick's The Precedent Of The United States

• Conservatives defending Lott have riled the Left by pointing out how many Democrats now demanding Lott's scalp were unable to find anything wrong with Bill Clinton's behavior as President. "What does Bill Clinton have to do with Trent Lott's current predicament?" they retort. Simple. One word: Precedent. Clintonistas set a precedent in their defense of Sick Willie and his misbehavior which lowers the bar to ground level. If Sick got a pass, Lott should.

• Lefties are nearly orgasmic over the Trent Lott situation. Lott's serial apology tour is comical and making no headway. He's a serious liability to the Republicans now. Will they have the courage to cut off his prunes and stick him on a back bench somewhere, as they should? I'm never optimistic, given the GOP's sorry history of ineptitude at hardball politics and of giving jobs to the guy who's stood in line the longest, most recently the stupendously pathetic Bob Dole. I've long disliked Lott, but for non-racism-related reasons. I think he's an ineffective political hack who's been over-eager to sell out to the Democrats, and thus ineffective as a leader. My only reaction to the left's screaming is that it's fine, so long as the same standard is applied to Democrats guilty of racism, such as Kleagle Bob Byrd, to name just one. The look-back standard seems to be four or five decades, now that liberals are revealing Lott's sins as a college student. The door is wide-open for equal-opportunity demagoguing. I doubt we'll be getting any from the Democrats, though. (December 20, 2002)

Kleagle Bob Speaks For Himself

• ". . .never in this world will I be convinced that race mixing in any field is good. I am loyal to my country and know but reverence to her flag, but I shall never submit to fight beneath that banner with a Negro by my side. Rather I should die 1,000 deaths and see Old Glory trampled in the dirt never to rise again, than to see this beloved land of ours become degraded by race mongrels." --Robert C. Byrd, Democrat United States Senator from Virginia, in a 1944 letter Byrd wrote to Mississippi's Theodore G. Bilbo. The letter was cited in a letter published in 1999 in The New Republic magazine which itself was reported in a December 22, 2002, column by David J. Garrow in the Chicago Tribune. Garrow also noted that Byrd on Fox News in 2001 told viewers that "I've seen a lot of white niggers in my time," and the remark was not reported at the time by either the Tribune or the world's newspaper of record, The New York Times (nor is any Democrat or lefty known to have demanded Byrd's resignation because of the remark). Garrow's column also confirmed Byrd's membership in the Ku Klux Klan in the mid-1940s. (December 22, 2002)

• The December 29 issue of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution included a full-page spread on its 10-member editorial page staff, which included pictures, short bios, and a self-description of the individual's political stance. Of the 10 members, one (a 57-year-old white male) described himself as a Republican or Conservative. One (cartoonist Mike Luckovich) described himself as an Independent . Eight, or 80 percent, identified themselves as either Left/Democrat or used code for it (such as Lyle V. Harris, a 42-year-old black who said he was a "radical moderate"). I find no conspiracy in this, just a simple self-recitation of facts echoing what I believe would be a nationwide pattern of the political leanings of newspaper editorial and reporting staffs if such things were tracked. I don't believe these people get up each day and vow to go out and nail conservatives or slant the news. But I do believe that their world view inescapably leads them to a way of treating and reporting news that reflects their world view, not that of conservatives, and decidedly not the unbiased neutrality that newspaper journalists knee-jerkingly and adamantly insist they achieve. This is simply the way of the world, and this is what paranoid righties mean when they talk about bias in the news. It's there and it's undeniable. There is no cure for it other than getting more conservatives onto newspaper payrolls, enough to get at least a 50-50 standoff.

There's Still Hope For The Republic!

• Year-end brought the delicious news that a plan is afoot to build a Counter Clinton Library in Little Rock only a few blocks away from the proposed Sick Willie Presidential Lie-brary. It is claimed that the land has been purchased and fund-raising has begun. The conspirators have a website where you can get details: www.counterclintonlibrary.com. I doubt the new year will pass without a hefty cash donation from me. This is truly a reason to go on living! (December 31, 2002)

• I have a hunch--just a hunch, mind you--that so long as our county is entangled in any way with the United Nations, our national interests and sovereignty are in peril. The odds that Iraq will slip the hook increase each day the UN is involved. (December 31, 2002)

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