Scoundrels, Knaves, and Fools

Sick for Life

• A year or more after I issued my clarion call to name Sick President for Life, the Chicago Tribune's wacko leftie columnist, John McCarron, has followed suit. In a January issue he calls for repeal of the 22nd Amendment to allow Sick to run--and be elected--again. McCarron's cry for justice should metastasize into a nationwide demand, a tidal wave of love and support for Sick that will overcome all who stand in his path--and we know who they are. All hail! (January, 2000)

• Actor Warren Beatty kept up the tease till the New Year before ruling out a run for the presidency next fall. He kept open the possibility of running at some later time, though, and told Vanity Fair magazine that he felt a poor showing in the 2000 election would "damage his liberal agenda" and that his critics would say, "Look, Mr. Movie Star. . .tried to do something with these issues and look how unpopular they are." Still, we can't help noticing that he doesn't want "those issues" put to a vote.

• Bill Bradley got 35 percent of the Iowa caucus vote but is now being urged to drop his challenge of Al Gore in the Democratic primaries. Pundits are subtly suggesting his cause is pretty much hopeless now, and certainly will be if he doesn't win the New Hampshire primary. A Wall Street Journal editorial January 26 wryly notes, however, that Bradley's Iowa performance exceeded that of liberal darling Ted Kennedy who challenged Jimmy Carter all the way to the convention in 1980. One difference is that the press loved and still loves the Kennedys and always gives them a free pass, something Bradley doesn't benefit from. The press seems oddly obsessed with urging candidates to get out of the races on both sides. It can't seem to grasp or appreciate the notion that some things ought to be done simply because they ought to be done, not because there's any real chance of winning. (January 26, 2000)

• Challenger Bradley tried gently this week to make the allegation that Al Gore was distorting Bradley's health insurance proposals. In one of the week's televised debates, Bradley came within an angstrom unit of using the word "lie" to describe Gore's spins. Gore immediately spun it and pontificated about "negative personal attacks." Careful observers would have noticed that Gore did not dispute the allegation that he had lied or distorted. Instead he attacked Bradley for saying it in public. It's encrypted and takes a bit of decoding, but here's what the Veep is saying: If I lie and you point it out then you are guilty of a negative personal attack. There is no worse sin than a negative personal attack. Therefore, I may lie with impunity. Apparently Mr. and Mrs. Front Porch and billions and billions of others buy into this preposterous Clintonianism. Bradley is said to be conceding--mere days before the New Hampshire primary--to those who urged him long ago to get into the fray that it is time to do so. He is said to be ready to "take off the gloves." I have news for Bradley. It is too late. They've already spun you. And you couldn't have won with your gloves off, either. You are no match for Al. It's too bad, because Bradley is a far more likeable human being than Gore, who often enough resembles a Replicant instead.

• Rudy Giuliani was a guest February 6 on Meet The Press hosted by Tim Russert and took part in this spicy exchange: "There are warning signs for you in the poll numbers," Russert said, then read them off--New York City blacks favor Hillary Clinton by 82 percent to 4 percent, and overall in the city Hillary had a 49-37 edge. Giuliani smiled and said, "That means I win. (New York Governor George) Pataki won (the governor's race) with 32 percent of New York City voters." Later in the program, a nettlesome guest noted that Gotham's Jewish voters favored Giuliani, 46-41, and said this was "unheard of." Can't help noticing Russert didn't mention that poll number to Rudy. Don't you just love this stuff! (February 6, 2000)

• Democrats outnumber Republicans 5 to 1 in New York, as well.

• Back in the 1992 campaign Sick demonized Republicans for the Decade of Greed. He wailed all across the country that GOP policies were responsible for the biggest gap in human history in income and wealth between the rich and the poor. Fair enough. But just the other day Sick's gub'mint reported that eight years later--right here in 2000--the gap between rich and poor is even wider, the widest in recorded human history, in fact. I cocked an ear, waited. But only silence now greets us. Sick and the Clintonistas, Al and the Acolytes, the big talking heads on TV, the libs and lefties in the media and elsewhere aren't uttering a peep about the obvious: if the Republican Decade of Greed was to blame in 1992, then the Democrat Decade of Greed should be guilty now.

• Surely by now we've all heard or seen the tale of the ordinary American middle class housewife who stood up at a McCain rally in South Carolina last week to tell a national TV audience about the anonymous call placed to her son, in which the caller trashed McCain and hung up. The woman told McCain how stunned and outraged she was, and how confusing this despicable viciousness was to her innocent son. The clear implication was that the call was part of a Bushite plot to destroy another good and decent man. McCain grew somber. The cameras zoomed in for a close-up. He told the woman how grieved he was and how this story so deeply touched him. The big talking heads on TV leaped to a linkup with something they called "push-polling," and hinted that Bushies had been rumored to have been engaging in the practice. Nowhere in the days since have I heard of a single reporter expressing what is supposed to be the profession's stock in trade, good old-fashioned skepticism. Nobody's bothered to interview the boy, to ask questions, to probe. The incident has achieved what I suspect is its intended purpose, to get Republicans slashing and burning their own.This Most Recent Unpleasantness has a distinct aroma, friends. I smell Jimbo Carville here, or Dick Morris, or some disciple of the legendary dirty trickster, Dick Tuck, who dropped the morsel and disappeared and is now off chuckling somewhere as the bait is taken and the frenzy erupts. It could have been a McCain booster who planted it--and to be fair, a Bushite, too. Why all the hand-wringing? What's wrong with people, anyway, that they get so upset by things like this? It's time to get a life. This is politics. People get bruised. We need more negative personal attacks, not fewer.

Hieronymus Bosch Headed Our Way

• Mark This Down and Bet Money On It: If you take a wide-angle photograph of the U.S. Congress 25 years from now, at least 75 percent of them will be celebrities from among the following groups: professional wrestlers, rock stars, circus sideshow mutants and freaks, lepers and others with consumptive diseases, people with missing limbs or joined together at their heads or feet, drug addicts, mental defectives, satanic cultists, hippie freaks with spiked hair, nose rings, nipple rings, tongue rings, rings everywhere, individuals with multiple heads and limbs, lice- and flea-infested talk show hosts--in short, every bizarre, deformed, grotesque, insectlike, subhuman creature imaginable from the full slithering, crawling Hieronymus Bosch phantasmagoria of The Garden of Earthly Delights.

• No, wait! That'll be the Democratic National Convention!

• But how will we know the difference? The conventioneers will be the ones dancing in a conga line around the White House.

• What about the current crop of candidates for the White House? Bradley's the most personally appealing of the lot. But, like Governor Moonbeam or Mr. Rogers, he's a bit delusional. Bradley has based his campaign on "politics on a higher plane," one that remains above the dirty, mean-spirited lying and fraud that characterizes real politics. Bradley is painfully learning that society does not reward his type of politics. This is, after all, the great American public that admires, embraces, and wholeheartedly supports and re-elects Sick Willie and that rollicking gang of Clintonistas, and loves 'em to this very day. So Bradley's doomed. Gore is a serial liar who's trained at the feet of the master. He's an android, a replicant, to boot. Bush is a lightweight fraud whose candidacy demonstrates the utter desperation of the Republican Party. McCain's positions are widely admired by Democrats, Clintonistas, and the press, which tells me he is not a conservative and not a Republican. He has impeccable credentials of patriotism and military service--beyond that I am skeptical. For my money Alan Keyes is the best candidate and Steve Forbes was second. I enjoyed Orrin Hatch but suspect he's just a longtime party hack who "got religion" only lately. Jesse Ventura is a buffoon. Donald Trump is a joke (though his unclothed mistress, who is rumored to have sat nude in the studio beside The Donald on a recent Howard Stern radio program for an insightful discussion about Intimate Moments, is not). Pat Buchan is a sad waste of a prickly intellect and a good mind. He's transformed himself into a marginalized fool onstage. He's toast. Gary Bauer is a serious Christian and there's no market for his type in the whorish spectacle of American society or politics. Warren Beatty has a natural constituency, but he'll have to wait in line with other Democrats. Are there any I've missed? Al Gore will be elected President next fall by a surprising margin. By the time James Carville, Larry Flynt and Al and the Clintonistas get done with Bush (assuming he's the GOP candidate) he'll rue the day he was ever born. Gore, like Sick, is a Man for Our Time. He is Our Nation's Destiny. As is Hillary, who will be elected Senator from New York, serve six years, announce her candidacy for the White House, and be elected president in 2008. Book it!

• The most beautiful moment of last night's CNN-televised Democratic debate from Gotham City's Apollo Theater was when CNN host Bernard Shaw gave the honor of asking the first question to none other than the Party's national spiritual co-leader, the Very Rev. Al Sharpton. (February 22, 2000)

• The next-most beautiful moment was Al Gore assuring the raucous Apollo crowd that he would never discriminate (when choosing a running mate) on the basis of race, creed, color, disability, sexual preference, model of car owned, national origin--ooops!--he's got to be an American citizen! Had Dan Quayle said it we'd have had another national media frenzy.

• The Apollo crowd parading on national TV and described for me by a Democrat loyalist friend as "a hooting, whistling, jeering, shrieking, laughing, yapping" assembly only demonstrated the difference between Democrats and Republicans. Democrats are vibrant with life, inclusive, all-embracing, caring, warm, loving and sharing. Republicans are Ice People--cold, sullen, greedy, mean-spirited, selfish, troglodytic haters, and plenty more, to boot.

• Poor Senator Bob Kerrey got a pungent taste over the last weekend in January of the mean-spiritedness which drives Al Gore and his campaign team. Kerrey, a Democrat from Nebraska who lost part of his leg in the Vietnam War, was in New Hampshire stumping (no pun intended) for Bradley. According to the columnist Dorothy Rabinowitz, writing in the February 3 Wall Street Journal, Kerrey "tried to make his way to reporters covering one of (Gore's) events" when he was spotted by Gore supporters who derided Kerrey, called him a "cripple," and spattered him with mud in front of "numerous witnesses." When asked about this Most Recent Unpleasantness, Gore's press secretary Chris Lehane asked why anyone thought the Gore campaign should have to apologize to Kerrey. Gore was confronted with the story during a February 1 appearance on MSNBC's Equal Time program. The Journal quoted Gore saying, "Oh, no. That's not true. That's not true. . .Again, it did not happen." The Journal article closed by drily noting that "Those acquainted with the vice president's habits of mind. . .won't be surprised by this outright denial of an event to which numerous reporters were witness, not to mention Mr. Kerrey himself." I didn't notice any cries of outrage or ridicule from the big talking heads on TV. Did you?

• Steve Forbes's speech withdrawing his candidacy for president last week after he finished third in the Delaware primary was one of the best political speeches I've heard in a long time. His campaign was based on the quaint notion that ideas should be enough to carry the day. He was a passionate and outspoken advocate of conservative principles. He found little to no market for them. He was widely ridiculed by liberals and even those of his own party. I'd far rather sit down for an evening's conversation with someone like Forbes, a conservative and a patriot, than with most of his critics. He promised to remain committed to the cause. I hope so.

• At the close of the Feb. 15, GOP debate on CNN (with the clownish dirtbag, Larry King, hosting), the candidates were given a moment to make their case to the great American public. Alan Keyes, an exceptional public speaker who is far superior to McCain and Bush in articulateness, logic, passion, and convictions, tried this approach: when, he asked, are Americans going to vote their convictions, stand on principles? Keyes is an easy first choice for me, but he stands no chance of winning with his ardent call to restore morality to American life. There is no market for such a message in America, as Bill Bennett, Keyes, and many others learned to their great sadness during the Most Recent Unpleasantness Said To Involve Sick Willie. Why won't I be voting my principles? Because in my view the election of Al Gore or anyone like him is an incalculably greater evil than the failure to elect Alan Keyes. The county can muddle along without a president of courage, conviction, leadership, or insight. Sick's presidency has proven even an amoral whore in the White House will do just fine. So Keyes, who deserves my vote, won't get it. Because to vote for any candidate with no realistic chance of winning is a vote for the opposing party. So I will again face the depressing prospect of voting to try to prevent something from happening, rather than voting for something. The views of Left and Right have become so unusually partisan in recent years that voting for a Don Quixotelike cause or candidate is out of the question. The stakes, when each side perceives the views of the other as completely unacceptable, are simply too high. (February 16, 2000)

• One idea it would benefit Republicans to understand is that Democrats know the secret of unity. Come election time, you find Democrats monolithically lined up behind their candidate. They know that their cause, their agenda trumps all other considerations. Republicans are far more likely to be found in angry disputes and "sitting out elections"over narrow, divisive issues. This is a major reason why Democrats typically control government at all levels and Republicans huff and puff and think it's enough to win an argument.

Silence In The Streets Department

• How come former Senator Warren Rudman, an adviser to the McCain campaign, can refer to the Religious Right as "bigots, homophobes, right-wing zealots and latter-day Elmer Gantrys" and Dan Rather, Tom Brokaw, Sam Donaldson, Wolf Blitzer and the rest of the big talking heads on national TV aren't marching in the streets to protest?

• After watching Gore, Bradley, Bush, McCain and the rest undergo extensive questioning on America's TV talk shows in the past couple months I've concluded that the skills national-level candidates have for deflecting questions and evading attempts to get them to specifically talk about issues are far, far superior to the skills of those asking the questions. The press is simply outmatched in these contests.

• We've heard a lot and will continue to hear a lot from Al Gore and the lefties about Republican connivance in the flying of the Confederate flag over the South Carolina Capitol and how this just proves what a bunch of insensitive racist pigs they all are. Alas, it was inevitable that somebody would run a computer check on this one, and someone has. Columnist Thomas Sowell reports there is no known record of Al Gore ever uttering a single word about the Confederate flag that flew over the Arkansas Capitol when Sick was governor there.

• Amusing today to see Bill Bradley, a guest on NBC's Meet The Press, get asked a terribly uncomfortable question about his and Sick's and Gore's embrace of the Very Rev. Al Sharpton. Host Tim Russert had dug up half a dozen race-baiting, vitriolic statements made by Sharpton, read them all aloud, and asked old Bill why he would associate with such a person. Bradley, give him credit, backed and filled and smooth as silk danced around the issue, though he took the identical route in doing so that Bush supporters use to defend their man's appearance at Bob Jones University last month. However, the press has and will continue to obsess almost exclusively on the Bob Jones Unpleasantness and ignore Democrats who crawl in identical slime.

Tony Surprises Bill Jones

• And over on the Fox News channel's Sunday morning talk show, host Tony Snow did something I can't recall any reporter doing in one of these forums. Snow asked one of his guests, California Secretary of State Bill Jones, a McCain supporter, if McCain had signed a statement that he would not challenge the results of the March 7 California primary (the Fruitcake State, alone in the Union, has a provision which makes it possible for a candidate to win the popular vote but be awarded zero delegates). Jones's answer in no way addressed the question. Then said Snow: "But Mr. Secretary, you evaded my question. My question was, Has Senator McCain signed a pledge not to contest the results of the California primary?" Jones, who obviously needs additional training in the art of spin, replied that McCain had not signed such a statement, so far as he (Jones) knew.

• George Will said Sunday on ABC's This Week program that the November election was going to be about who would you rather have in your living room, Al Gore or George Bush. Think of the indictment this saddles our civilization with if--as seems so logical--the same standard applied to, say, the 1992 and 1996 elections. I think America's verdict is resounding and clear. All Hail Sick and Al and all they are and stand for!

He's Tanned! He's Rested! He's Ready!

• None other than legendary Watergate dirty trickster Donald Segretti is back in action. He's co-chairman of John McCain's campaign in Orange County, California. The March 6 edition of USA Today quotes Segretti, now age 58, saying there'll be no mischief this time around. "You have to understand that I learned my lesson years ago. You close chapters and move on." Too bad. The prospect of Tricky Don going head-to-head with the legendary Jimbo Carville had my heart thumping. (March 6, 2000)

Finding Out How McCain Feeeeeeeels About Things

• My choice for Most Beautiful Moment of Super Tuesday came late in the evening during MSNBC's coverage from McCain headquarters. Anchor Brian Williams, who's adopted a sideways lean as his "signature" posture, and breathless reporter Maria Shriver, who without her Kennedy connections and great looks would be employable only at the minimum wage, and McCain himself were the stars. Maria had posted up in a dimly lit back hallway at the hotel where McCain's crowd had gathered. Williams broke off in mid-sentence to go to Maria when it was learned McCain was coming down the hall. It was not clear if McCain even saw Shriver, but as he passed she stuck out her microphone and yelled, "How do you feeeel, Senator? Senator! Senator! How do you feeeel?" McCain went on a couple of steps, then turned, looked at her sternly and said, "Please, get out of here." He then went onstage to address his supporters. Both Brian and Marie seemed taken aback. They huffed and puffed nervously, in wounded, whimpering tones. I suspect millions of Americans vaulted out of their chairs cheering for McCain on this one. My regret was that he didn't have a huge meringue pie handy to smear in her face. But still, a job well done by the irascible Arizonan!

• Lots of wondering among media folks about What Happened to Bill Bradley's Campaign? Even Bill himself seems puzzled. Here's just a guess: he's too liberal. Even Democrats don't want to use the word openly. So what we have to have now are stealth liberals, and there are plenty of those. It's just fatal to admit it. In addition, Bill couldn't break Al's hold on the party's core constituencies: blacks, labor unions, teacher unions, gays, AIDS activists, lesbians, and the rest. Then Bill topped it off with his ridiculous belief that there was a market in America for a campaign of ideas, the thoughtful deliberation of issues. This pudding-headed delusion doomed him from the beginning.

• Agenda-Setting Department: Marc Lacey, a New York Times reporter and a guest on this morning's edition of ABC Television's This Week program, pointed out with what seemed genuine glee during a panel discussion of problems the Republican Party faces that "next month is the one-year anniversary of (the shootings at) Columbine (High School) and we (presumably the Times--and therefore anyone who counts for anything) are going to be talking a lot about guns."

• Elian's been snatched by the Clintonistas and the Republicans have taken the bait. They're huffing and puffing and angrily stamping their feet.They're calling for congressional hearings. Sick and his acolytes are pounding those bongo drums and firing up big cigars in the Oral Office as they watch their enemies dive headlong into the trap. Carville & Co. will cash in big-time on this foolishness once the campaign really heats up. While the Republicans were harumphing, polls shows 60 percent of Americans wholeheartedly support the way Reno and Sick handled this Most Recent Unpleasantness. These dummies truly don't learn from experience. (April 24, 2000)

• So Rudy Giuliani has prostate cancer. Which Clintonista arranged for him to get it?

• Within a week of the Republicans demanding congressional hearings on the Elian Gonzalez Unpleasantness, polls showed 65 percent of the American people don't want congressional hearings. This is something any thoughtful person could have divined. But not Republicans.

• Cokie Roberts made more sense than anyone on ABC's This Week program today when she said the reason the American people don't want hearings on the Gonzalez Unpleasantness is because they know they'll be dominated by phony, posturing politicians. She noted that had armed federal agents in combat gear stormed into a home and taken a little boy during the Reagan presidency, Democrats would be marching down Pennsylvania Avenue screaming about Gestapo tactics. Far too mild, but a point well taken. (April 30, 2000)

• Now that he's not running for office anymore, Senator John McCain has admitted he wasn't telling the truth earlier this spring when he said he believed the South Carolina Confederate flag issue should be decided by the state's citizens. Now he says he believed all along that the flag ought to come down from its perch atop the state Capitol building. So much for the Plain Truth Express McCain got so much campaign mileage from, and adios to another politician who looked us smack in the eye and promised always to tell the truth.

• Now Rudy Giuliani, the Republican candidate for the U.S. Senate from New York, has admitted being unfaithful to his wife and having an affair with a staffer. Liberals are huffing and puffing about it. It proves he's qualified to run for President, though. (May 10, 2000)

• National Public Radio interviewed that lovable dean of Washington correspondents, David Broder, this week. The topic was his new book, Democracy Derailed, or something like that. I came in late, but heard Broder commenting on citizen ballot initiatives. He said he was struck by how the process, originally intended to give the ordinary citizen a means of self-expression, a way to protest and take action when legislatures were unresponsive, has been taken over by people with money, power, and influence. I leaned forward over the wheel, eagerly anticipating a brilliant riposte from the interviewer like, "Oh, you mean like the rest of the government?" But NPR switched to a bit of music, a public service announcement, and moved on to other things.

• Wacko liberal Paul Begala, who served Sick so admirably during those glorious impeachment damage control days of the late 1990s, and who shaved and cleaned up enough after leaving the White House spin squad that he has his own TV talk show now, is quoted in the June 19 issue of National Review using what the magazine describes as an "anti-gay epithet" in describing Rick Lazio, the Republican candidate for New York State's U.S. Senate seat and--this is pure coincidence--Hillary Clinton's opponent for that seat. Lazio, said Begala was "a total butt-boy for (Newt) Gingrich the whole time he was in Congress." Can we imagine--can we even begin to imagine--what a firestorm of outrage would have swept this great nation had this statement been uttered by a Republican or a conservative? I know, I know, we're not supposed to peek.

Teens Surprise Judge Judy

• Against my better judgment, last night I watched some of CNN's coverage of the Republican national convention's opening night. George W. Bush introduced the evening's main speaker, retired Army General Colin Powell. Bush spoke from Westerville (Ohio) High School just outside Columbus. In the background as he spoke was a classroom full of what appeared to be teen-agers. They sat motionless and quietly through Bush's introductory remarks. At the end of Powell's speech, CNN's crack team of analysts and pundits swung into post-game analysis. Co-anchor Judy Woodruff confessed she'd spied a discordant note in the proceedings. She was struck by what she felt was the odd setting--a school room--for candidate Bush and how, during his short speech, the assembled youngsters just sat there--they didn't even move. It probably was a jarring moment for Judy. She must have expected them to be yelling, throwing things, having sexual intercourse, breaking windows, undulating wildly while Dubbya spoke. But alas for Judy and the nation, it was not an ordinary day. (August 1, 2000)

Charm 'N Spin School

• The big story so far for me at the Republican convention is the pervasive frustration of the media pundits over their inability to set the agenda. It's transparent what they are trying to do: portray Republicans as fools and extremists. CNN's Bernard Shaw tries nearly every time he interviews to harpoon the guest with the liberal canon of Trouble-Makers For The Enemy--abortion rights, gay rights, multicultural diversity and race. No matter what the topic, this is where Shaw steers it. So far the interviewees have smiled angelically and finessed the questions. It's obvious the Republicans have been to Charm 'N Spin School to get ready for this big event. One of the CNN crew tried to bait the Rev. Pat Robertson on opening night: What about gays? What about abortion? the eager reporter kept asking. Robertson just smiled and said all he wanted was to see the Constitution upheld (his own version of a mantra--and surely if Carville, Begala, Podesta, Davis, Brazile, Kendall & Co. can have one, then the other side can chant one, too). Once, Robertson even said that if he were running for office he'd want the gay vote, too. Bernie was visibly distressed when he realized he wasn't going to be able to hook and beach the troglodytic Robertson for a grateful nation. It seems obvious the Republicans have a strategy that's driving lefties crazy, and they've been sufficiently coached so as not to fall into the traps set for them. Judy and Bernie and others are increasingly desperate. The kook-infested, religious right-dominated, extremist crazy GOP demonoids are setting their own agenda. That's the beautiful story out of Philadelphia so far. I'm eagerly awaiting identical media coverage when the Wacko Left convenes in Lost Angeles in a fortnight.

• O.K., I'll confess. I sent another contribution to the Linda Tripp Defense Fund. (August 7, 2000)

• Is there a greater irony than Linda Tripp being prosecuted for telling the truth while the entire teeming horde of dirtbag Clintonistas walk free?

• O.K., I'll confess. Rick Lazio had to write only six words to convince me to send him a modest contribution: I'm running against Hillary Rodham Clinton.

• Sending money to a politician is a first-in-my-lifetime event, but the cause--aiding the vast right-wing conspiracy obsessed with destroying Hillary Clinton--is as noble as any I've ever seen. Well, one step short of the attempted impeachment of Sick Willie.

• Conservatives and Republicans are getting all het up. Dubya has a 17-point lead in the polls. But they forget: Al's attack dogs are still in their kennels. They haven't been unleashed yet. When they are, Dubya will rue the day he was ever born. (August 7, 2000)

• I still say Al wins by 10 percentage points.

• The legendary polling firm, Zogby International, has research showing Democrats favor Pepsi Cola and Republicans choose Coke. Somehow, I knew this intuitively.

• The media revealed all we need to know about themselves with their almost uniform characterization of Veep nominee Dick Cheney's speech. Chris Matthews, Brian Williams, and the CNN buffoons all used the word "attack" immediately in their post-speech analysis. Newspapers around the country, including the esteemed New York Times, widely used variations of "Attacks on Gore" in their headlines. Cheney's speech was hardly that. It contained a few low-key barbs but it was a moderate and mild speech by any reasonable estimation. If the media mavens want to know the real meaning of the word attack, let them ask for my opinion on Sick and Al and the rest. There'll be no mistaking it, and it won't be the warm pablum Cheney served up.

• Connecticut Senator Joe Lieberman's selection as Gore's running mate is a stroke of brilliance. Three words sum it up: Clinton Stain Remover. Lieberman was one of the tiny few Democrats who stood up to criticize Sick during the Monica Lewinsky Unpleasantness. Credit him for that. But when it came time to vote, Lieberman was a loyal soldier voting against impeachment. He'll provide the illusion of offsetting some of Gore's wacko/weirdo left-liberalism, but he's for all the liberal canon himself: in favor of gun control, opposed to any ban on partial birth abortion, and so on. Al and Joe have the stuff to take this nation by storm. I see a resounding victory for them in November.

• Senator Lieberman mentioned God's name numerous times last week in his first public speech as the party's nominee for vice-president. Not a peep of protest has been heard from the ACLU or the rest of the smart liberals whose anti-religious chanting and ranting so characterizes our age.

Yeah, But They're Our Snipers

• Buried on page 9 of the Indianapolis Star of August 10 was a four-inch story about CBS apologizing for a Certain Unpleasantness on one of its programs the previous week. Seems that during The Late Night Show With Craig Kilborn someone inserted a graphic across footage showing George Bush giving his acceptance speech at the Republican Convention. The graphic read: "Snipers Wanted." Can we imagine the national tidal wave of outrage that would have erupted had such a sentiment been directed at, say, Al Gore, or Sick or one of the Clintonistas? The Party of Jim Carville, Maxine Waters, Al Sharpton and Larry Flynnt would have been marching in the streets. CBS described the incident as "inappropriate and regettable" and said it would take "appropriate action." The culprit was not identified and the action the network plans to take never specified. (August 11, 2000)

• Al Neuharth, founder of USA Today, shocked the nation in a column just before the Democrat Convention, in which he suggested that Sick's last chance to make things right would be to resign from the presidency at the conclusion of his scheduled speech August 14 in Lost Angeles. Neuharth said this would save Hillary's candidacy, and Gore's as well. I didn't hear a single word about Neuharth's bold idea in subsequent media coverage. Sick's not capable of such magnanimity, anyway. Surely, Neuharth was funnin' us.

Shoulder-Rolling Stroll To Glory

• Sick is said to have taken the Democrat national convention by storm in Lost Angeles Monday night. The Indianapolis Star's reporters said Sick's "charisma seemed to overwhelm delegates jammed elbow-to-elbow" at the convention hall. "They wept, hugged and chanted his name. . ." This is one sick mess o' puppies, friends.

Calling A Thing What It Is Department

• Ann Coulter, a columnist writing in Human Events August 4, described Sick Willie as "a white trash horndog President who treats women like ashtrays. "

• It took the keen eye of Wall Street Journal reporter John Fund to spot the irony at the close of Sick's farewell speech to the Dems Monday night. Fund wrote: "The evening ended on an appropriate note. Right after (Sick's) speech, a Broadway troupe strutted on stage to perform a number from "The Music Man," the classic play about a con artist who tries to corrupt a community." (August 16, 2000)

• Where was Chuck Raasch's editor when The Chuckster wrote this in his Gannett News Service coverage of Al's acceptance speech: "Class warfare has not been a central tenet of the New Democrat ideology of Clinton and Gore."? I submit, friends, that class warfare is central to practically everything Sick and Al and their party do. Without that--and hypocrisy--most of them would have nothing to do at all.

• We hear incessantly from the Sick-Gore Administration how the Republicans are the demon lackeys of Big Oil, Big Tobbaco, Big Hobgoblin of the Day. And so surprising it was when the Washington Post reported from Lost Angeles during convention week that the Democrats were furiously schmoozing and clucking on Tinseltown verandas--and raising tons of cash--with the very folks they assail at every opportunity. Phillip Morris, AT&T, Bristol Meyers Squibb, Texaco, Chevron and Occidental Petroleum--even the National Rifle Association--held big galas for the Dems. The wonder is that the Post let the story leak. Thank God Americans have short attention spans!

• The Lima (Ohio) News reports that Lieberman, who faces re-election to the U.S. Senate, is hedging his bets and not withdrawing from that race now that he's Al's choice for vice president. Have any of the big talking heads reported on this?

A Billion Bushies Don't Equal One Sick Or Weird Al

• Lefties have been pimping Bush lately with snotty claims that Dubya's part of a family dynasty, as though this was something truly dangerous to the country. I've got news for them: All the Bushes in the world don't equal the vileness, repulsiveness, disgrace and weirdness of one Clinton or one Gore.

• Columnist Robert Novak speculates this week that the Clintonistas are setting a trap for the GOP that'll be the crowning achievement of the Sick Administration if they can pull it off. It involves Sick hardballing on the federal budget and--just as he did with momentous consequences in the fall of 1995--shutting down the government in early October and blaming it on the Republicans. White House Chief of Androids John Podesta has already fired off the equivalent of a declaration of war to the Republican leadership and Novak believes this is the first step in a spin maneuver that will devastate the GOP and hand the election to Weird Al. Facts won't matter. The Republicans are inept, bumbling fools and if Sick tries it, he'll succeed. The old "October Surprise," yessiree. Can't wait!! (August 24, 2000)

• That Medicare-paid prescriptions for senior citizens is even on the election "issues" list is proof positive that Republicans are rudderless and on the defensive. This is not an idea Republicans would have addressed or brought up on their own

• Word leaks out of Wonderland, D.C., that House Speaker Dennis Hastert has already signaled Sick that the Republicans are ready to cave in on the federal budget. Hastert told Sick he'd assure GOP support to raise the minimum wage by $1 if Sick would just give them something, any little thing, to make it look good. When Republicans volunteer to raise the minimum wage, you know they've sold out. No response from the Clintonistas yet, and no wonder. They know this is just the beginning of the GOP collapse.

• "He has made indefensible concessions in electoral politics, getting close to sleazy contributors like Nate Landow, currying favor with the K Street lobbying crowd and raising few objections when his associates traded off their connection with him to get rich off questionable deals. But there is no evidence that Mr. Gore has betrayed any public trust or compromising principles in governance. As a candidate, he has blatantly distorted his opponents' positions and misrepresented his own on multiple occasions. But he is not a hater and has genuine personal honor." --Liberal columnist Al Hunt, writing in the August 17, 2000, issue of the Wall Street Journal.

Tough Sledding Ahead

• Among the many difficult problems the GOP faces: the election agenda has already been dictated by the Democrats and the media. Free prescriptions and other federal giveaways are going to dominate the discussion. Republicans can't win any election which involves a giveaway contest against Democrats. Anyone who listens to the public dialogue--what's filling up television news and talk shows, newspapers and radio--can already sense the Democrats have the momentum and the upper hand.

Morally Relatively Speaking Department

• Discussing--no, trying to avoid discussing--abortion on Larry King Live, the Democratic candidate for Vice President, Joe Liberman, told Larry--or was it Don King?-- that "It's a matter of personal judgment--and like everything else in Judaism, ultimately, it's up to each of us to decide what we think is right." If this is true, how come Lieberman stood on the floor of the Senate during impeachment proceedings and castigated Sick for his sordid behavior? Doesn't Sick get to decide what's right and wrong?

• Sick's going to Nigeria and Tanzania for a couple of days to schmooze. Given his history, full-body condoms are in order for all.

• Joe Lieberman mentioned God no fewer than 10 times during his first public speech (in Nashville, Tennessee) afer being nominated to serve as Weird Al's running mate. No one has yet filed suit or marched in the streets to protest. Where are the leftie watchdogs who hysterically attack any conservative even whispering a religious reference in public? Sorry for peeking.

• On NPR's All Things Liberal program today I heard Weird Al haranguing a crowd of coots in Florida or some other malarial sinkhole about how a GOP tax cut would favor the rich at the expense of the poor and downtrodden. This is tired, shopworn liberal mantra, of course. Even though the rich bastards pay the lion's share of the country's personal income tax (a fact the lefties never, ever acknowledge), Democrats successfully argue that any refund of that overpayment is unfair to those who paid only a small portion of it in the first place. No one will call this what it is: income redistribution. Democrats are world-class performers when it comes to demagoguing this issue and inflaming class warfare. They've discovered a political truth about coots, too--they'll abandon their previously conservative instincts when another juicy federal handout is dangled before them.This bodes poorly for Republicans. (August 29, 2000)

Spotting A Rising Moon

• A heartwarming but little noticed anecdote from the late summer presidential campaign centers on the four-state train trip taken by Dubya and Dick Cheney following the convention. The train passed through many communities for brief speeches and rallies. According to a USA Today account, as the train rolled through Odell, Illinois, a woman turned and bared her rear end, on which was written the plaintive cry, "Raise the Min. Wage." Bush spotted the rising moon and yelled, "Congratulations! You just got on national TV!" Cheeky of Dubya, don't you think?

• Talk show host David Letterman is trying to lure George Bush into appearing on his program for a "debate" with Weird Al, who eagerly accepted the invitation. Bush has ignored Letterman so far. Here's hoping he doesn't take the bait. Letterman's not interested in enlightening the great American public. He's interested in embarrassing Bush.

• Sick was in Gotham Sept. 7 for some Millenium schmoozing with world leaders and USA Today reports that while there Sick was sought out after a luncheon by Cuban dictator Fidel Castro for a brief conversation. The newspaper's Sept. 8 edition noted that the White House first denied the meeting took place, but later admitted it did, then stressed that Castro initiated the whole thing and Sick said next to nothing during their few minutes together. USA Today's report, oddly enough, described it as a chance meeting even though there was nothing "chance" about it. The story got minor play, but was another snapshot of the Sick Administration's instinctive reflex to lie even when events occur before witnesses in the bold light of day. (September 8, 2000)

It's Either Wall Street, Democrats, Republicans, Or The Mafia

• If you believe, as I do, that the nation's two major political parties resemble nothing more than competing Mafia families brawling in the shadow of the Lincoln Memorial for control of the national trough, then you've got to love the lead paragraph of a recent Wall Street Journal editorial: "New York mobster Lucky Luciano once spent a day at the stock exchange and concluded that he'd "joined the wrong mob". " (September 24, 2000)

• Columnist Tony Snow recently captured the spirit of hypocrisy pervading The Party of Al Sharpton, Maxine Waters, Ted Kennedy, Dick Gephardt, Jesse Jackson, David Bonior, Al Gore, and Others when he described the Democratic Party as the one that "wanted to punish Clarence Thomas for a purported naughty joke (but) refused to discipline a president (that would be Sick) accused of sexual predation (that would be the purported rape of Juanita Broaderick)."

• Reader Dan Johanningmeier of St. Louis drily noted in a message to the Washington Times that Al Gore's 17-year-old son, Albert III, was one of only a few Americans not asked to mount the dais at the Democratic National Convention to praise his father, and perhaps the reason might have been that young Albert was just freshly arrested for speeding in North Carolina at close to 100 miles per and may have believed, as his famous father has been known to, that there was "no controlling legal authority" relating to This Most Recent Unpleasantness. (September 24, 2000)

• "After watching the long-toothed liberal monsters cavorting around Los Angeles like Hieronymus Bosch figures, one finds it hard to believe that Gore can pull off the same trick."---Jonah Goldberg, editor of National Review Online, writing in the Sept. 11 issue of the magazine in an article titled "Liberals From the Lost Lagoon," in which he expressed doubt that Al Gore can benefit his party anywhere near the way Sick Willie did.

• Four Cuban-American delegates from Florida got up and walked out of the Democratic National Convention as Sick mounted the stage on Opening Night in Lost Angeles. Did you hear anything about this from the big talking heads on TV or anyplace else in the media? Not likely. The delegates were protesting the Sick Administration's handing out awards to the 114 INS agents who bravely took part in the raid to recapture little Elian Gonzalez from the Forces of Evil. The Unpleasantness was reported almost nowhere, according to National Review. Can there be any doubt the reporting would have been different had Republican delegates walked out of their convention?

• "In what should be a parody, the New York Times reported that (Sick's) fight to keep his law license "has left him especially angry and dispirited." According to one unnamed friend, (Sick) is "livid, off-the-wall angry" about the proceedings. Bring it up and "his mood immediately darkens."" -- Columnist Doug Bandow, writing Sept. 27 at the Internet site of townhall.com about the Arkansas Bar Association's consideration of disbarment for Sick Willie.

• Let's see if I've got this straight. The feds arrest and jail Wen Ho Lee on 59 charges of stealing nuclear secrets and maybe handing them over to China. They hold Lee in jail for months without bond in solitary confinement. Then out of the blue 58 of the charges are dismissed and Lee is freed with a wrist-slapping after agreeing to plead guilty to one watered-down charge and a promise to tell the authorities what he did with the stolen information. Sick then rushes forward to tell us he feels Lee's pain and from the get-go was really uncomfortable with the way the government handled the Unpleasantness. Lee then disappears from his months-long post on America's front-pages and editorial columns. Does this pass the smell test, friends? Nope. The fix is in on this case, somehow. We'll see how aggressive the press is in trying to ferret out the truth.

Spoken By A Master

• "Those opposing us in this race are masters of the politics of resentment and revenge."--Hillary Clinton in a fund-raising letter to supporters of her U.S. Senate campaign.

Weird Al's Tortured Struggle

• Last night's Bush-Gore debate provided a perfect illustration of a point I think is crucial in understanding how the world operates. During the debate, Bush made a remark about how he was impressed with the way the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) had responded to a Texas disaster. Gore then said he'd accompanied FEMA officials to the site and said "I was there." A nationwide audience estimated at 50 million people heard this remark. A scant few realized it sounded fishy, including some ringside Bushites. Overnight research revealed that Gore was not, in fact "there" at the disaster scene and was not "there" with the FEMA director, either. He was confronted with it on one of the morning network shows, with a far, far smaller audience watching. Gore backed and filled and hemmed and hawed and finally admitted he was not really "there" like he said the night before, but that he must have been "there, sometime." This, one surmises, is close enough in Weird Al's tortured struggle to keep facts straight. The lie was, however, worth it. Fifty million people heard the lie, but only a fraction of that ever saw or heard it proved a fabrication. From a cost benefit standpoint, then, lying is enormously profitable in modern communications. The Clintonistas have spent eight years raising it to an art form. (October 4, 2000)

• Bush made several mild references in Tuesday night's debate to what pundits carefully mislabel the "character issue" What it is, though, is the "character deficiency issue." (October 5, 2000)

• One of the big foundations should fund research into how we got to this point, where so-called "negativity" (code for: telling the truth) is universally loathed. One of the plague of pollsters and pop psychologists who infest the television business, Frank Lundt, was in St. Louis with a "focus group" wired up to watch the Bush-Gore debate Tuesday night. He showed us onscreen how each time Bush tried feebly to raise the character deficiency issue, the citizens began twitching their disapproval. We got to see Bush's scrolling-by-the-nanosecond rating plummet and the point was hammered home: a candidate who dares to point out anything negative about an opponent will be instantly punished in the polls. How did we get to this point? I have a hunch that libs and Clintonistas are involved. This is a perfect world for them. They get a free pass and if you point it out, you are the demon. I don't know how a dirtbag could have it any better.

• I can't figure out and neither can several pundits sympathetic to Bush, why Dubya doesn't look the camera sternly in the eye, address Gore and the nation and say, "On Dec. 19, 1998, sir, you stood on the White House lawn and, in a message beamed around the world, said that Sick would go down as one of the greatest presidents in American history. Is that still your view?" It's one of two reasons: either Bush, like his Republican Party brethren, is completely spooked by what Sick's done to them, or Bush is incapable of outrage. Either way, he ignores the opportunity to harpoon Gore and in the process, stand for something.

• Independent Counsel Robert Ray at the end of September closed down the six-year investigation of the Whitewater Unpleasantness with a confession that there was insufficient evidence to convince a jury beyond a reasonable doubt that Sick and Hillary had "knowingly participated in any criminal conduct." Liberals, who've kept a running count of the investigation's costs, were quick to sneer that this one cost the taxpayers $52 million and netted nothing. Well, not quite. A few Clintonista pelts are up on the wall--Susan McDougal's, Jim Guy Tucker's, and Webb Hubbell's, to name three. And from my taxpayer point of view, $52 million was a small price to pay for the joy of tormenting this crowd of dirtbags for six years, and getting a historical record laid down. Money well spent, guys!

Hog Calls

• The notion that the nation is better informed by having the presidential debates is a dubious one. In them, the prize tends always to go to the glib, the clever, the bully, the relentless talker. An effective debater can bury us in statistics, even lie unchallenged. And, given the indolence, inattentiveness, timidity, and lack of interest in rooting out bombast and flim-flam demonstrated by the journalist-moderators, much of what spews over the viewing electorate is empty drivel. Weird Al's surplus of talent in these areas is remarkable, but I hear no one asking if it's really essential for a President to be a superior debater. It may be posited that we learn how we feel about a candidate by watching these debates. But judging from what I've seen and heard, the American audience is hardly sophisticated enough to know when it's hearing lies or distortions or fraudulent argument. The Sick Administration's unprecedented success is the most recent proof of that. The public seems to respond mainly to promises of federal grants and giveaways, and regulation and punishment of perceived Enemies of The People, and to references to its demons, which are many. Citizens interviewed in the endless rounds of post-debate blather speak almost exclusively in a what's-in-it-for-me mode. When was the last time you heard one of these "typical Americans" seriously suggest something that was good for our civilization? We're sadly mistaken if we believe these "debates" connect us to an Athenian hillside in the company of great intellects and an informed citizenry thoughtfully discussing the burning issues of the day. What we have instead, in 2000 A.D., is a hog call. (October 31, 2000)
• "Clinton's real legacy is going to be what he did to everyone else." --Wladyslaw Pleszczynski, executive editor of the American Spectator, writing in the magazine's September, 2000 edition.

• It has cost taxpayers over $1.3 million to fly Hillary Clinton to and from New York City between July, 1999 and August of 2,000, according to the Wall Street Journal. Funny, I don't hear lefties screaming about this use of taxpayer money.

• "There is nothing this man won't do. He is immune to shame." --Jesse Jackson, present-day ardent defender of Sick Willie, speaking of Clinton in 1992.

The Sheerest of Coincidences

• Among the billions and billions of citizens under audit or investigation by the IRS are five whose cases are attracting no attention at all except from a few wacko rightwing looneys. Four of the five--Jennifer Flowers, Paula Jones, Elizabeth Ward Gracen, Juanita Broaddrick--have accused Sick of sexual affairs or offenses--and the fifth, Katherine Prudhomme, scorched Weird Al with several minutes of unpleasant questions last December 14 during a nationally televised town hall meeting, then later wrote a newspaper column saying the audit of Mrs. Broaddrick's nursing home business was politically motivated. All of this is pure coincidence, but it may put a chill on other lasses contemplating taking on these people. (October 11, 2000)
• Wish I'd Said That Department: Maureen Dowd, a columnist for the transcendentally liberal New York Times, in a September column about the Clintons' shabby, shameless renting of White House bedrooms to raise campaign money, described Sick's approach to the podium at August's national Democratic convention as a "transcendentally cheesy Gladiator Walk."

• A brief article tucked away on page 13 of the October 17 issue of USA Today tells us much about the direction political campaigns are headed. Writer Jill Lawrence noted that the so-called "town hall" format for tonight's Dubya-Weird Al debate is a bit less than it seems. In 1992 when it was first tried in a presidential race, audience members picked by the moderator could ask anything they wanted, including follow-up questions. In 1996 follow-ups and clarifications were banned. In tonight's outing, all questions must be written in advance and are screened by moderator Jim Lehrer, who also chooses every question. What's happening, despite all the punditry about how much more information Americans have, is that more and more of the information we get is tightly controlled, scripted, managed, steered and sanitized. This doesn't represent more freedom, but less. I doubt if most Americans even notice. (October 17, 2000)

Space Invaders

• The most interesting moment of last night's Gore-Dubya debate in St. Louis has gone entirely unremarked in press coverage I've seen. In this encounter, both men fielded questions pre-screened and approved by moderator Jim Lehrer. All the questions seemed to come from the liberal viewpoint, but I'm sure this was mere coincidence. Each candidate had a high chair or stool and a small lectern. The candidates were free to move about the stage, but typically they remained in the background at their stations during the rival's initial response to a question. In this Kodak Moment, Bush was responding to an audience member when Gore suddenly began walking toward Bush from the side. It was a startling sight for a TV viewer, and it must have been equally puzzling to Bush, who, you could tell, was aware from his own peripheral vision of Gore's impetuous approach. I could not accurately tell how close Gore got, but it seemed he approached to within about two feet of Bush, stopped and stood there staring at him. Bush finally turned slowly to face Gore. Bush gave a brief nod of acknowledgement, said nothing, then turned back to his questioner and continued with his answer. Moderator Lehrer said nothing, nor did anyone on the two hours of post-debate TV shows I watched. Gore is widely considered to be a brilliant and relentless--if not invincible--debater, and this was a brilliant tactic. He is good, wickedly good, at this. He boldly invaded Bush's "personal space" in a calculated effort to fluster and unnerve the Texas governor. If you've read anything about this topic of "personal space" you know that research shows that most people become agitated, visibly uneasy when another person invades that space, and will make efforts to retreat to re-establish that distance. It was one of many tactics Gore unleashed throughout the evening, and together they were an impressive, well-organized attempt to intimidate Bush and knock him off balance. To Bush's great credit--and certainly my surprise--he sideslipped the attacks pretty effectively. Afterward, the pundits seemed to feel Gore won on substance, but again lost on the problem that plagues him to this moment--likeability. I'm confident America will come around in the final weeks and elect Weird Al by hearty margins. He and our country are made for each other. (October 17, 2000)

• Is anyone else mystified by what hasn't been brought up in the presidential debates? Does anyone else find it peculiar that there not been one single question asked about the Buddhist Temple Fundraising Unpleasantness, the Wen Ho Lee Atomic Secrets Flapdoodle, White House Bed & Breakfast Fund-Raising, and various China topics, and why there's been almost no mention of our relationship with Russia and where the billions of dollars of aid we poured into their pockets has gone, and what we plan to do about the evaporating sanctions on Iraq, and more comma more comma more? It is simply not conceivable that no citizen has wanted to ask these questions, or that no candidate or journalist-interlocutor has. The only explanation that seems plausible is that all parties to these charades have made a pact to agree not to bring up these topics, that certain matters are simply off-limits.

• Jim Lehrer has been a gutless coward in running the debates. In the most recent outing October 17 in St. Louis, for example, he allowed Weird Al on half a dozen occasions to violate a rule all had agreed to--that neither candidate may ask any questions of the other candidate. Yet Gore repeatedly and brazenly did this and not once did Lehrer interrupt to protest or stop it. Bush no doubt has broken the rules, too. The point is that Lehrer has ignored enforcing the rules.

• I wonder, too, how it is possible that in the entire hour and a half of chitchat October 17 when citizens were providing the questions, not a single question came from a conservative viewpoint. Every single question was from the liberal mantra. This was Lehrer's conscious decision. He alone screened, approved, and selected the questions to be used. (October 18, 2000)

• Number of Times Weird Al Has Mentioned Sick's Name During Three Nationally Televised Presidential Debates: 0. (Courtesy of USA Today, Oct. 20, 2000 edition).

• Time's fast approaching for that famous "October Surprise." Wonderland, D.C. is said to be feverish with rumors of what it will be. Whatever it is--and if it is--and this depends on what the meaning of "is" is--will be fun to watch. All hail!

Interrupting Weird Al's Demagoguery for These Important Facts Department

• According to National Review magazine's October 23 issue, the top 10 percent of earners--a category that includes people making $80,000--pay about 60 percent of all income taxes. In contrast, the bottom 50 percent of earners pay just 4 percent. "This," the magazine notes, "is why any income tax cut is a 'tax cut for the rich'." However, we will grow old and die before we see any of the big talking heads on network TV or anyone moderating a presidential debate point this out. They're not about to interrupt their conspiracy of silence, sloth and indifference for something as alien as a relentless quest for the truth. (October 23, 2000)

What's That Dog Doing on His Chest, Anyway?

• I'd pay money--God, I'd pay big money--to see Pat Buchanan's latest commercial. It's mentioned in an article by Boston Globe writer Curtis Wilkie datelined Salisbury, Maryland, and printed in Sunday's Indianapolis Star. It's a 30-second spot in which a man chokes on a meatball after he hears a news report that "English is no longer our national language." The man gags and frantically dials the emergency number, 911. He gets a recorded message: "For Spanish, press one. For Korean, press two; for Bengali, press three." The final scene shows the victim lying on the floor--and I love this touch!!--with a dog sitting on his chest while the voice from 911 drones on. . . "For Swahili, press 12." Well, as we can imagine in these exquisitely sensitive times, this has a lot of people v-e-r-r-r-r-y upset, the Globe's Wilkie apparently among them. The reporter describes the commercial as carrying "a hard edge of nativism." Buchanan, alas, has marginalized himself at the strident kook-fringe of politics--the same place I'd be if I were in politics, come to think of it.This commercial, though, is hilarious.

• The dog's the only part of the Buchanan commercial I don't get. What's it doing on the guy's chest?

Growing Beyond Their Legacies. . .

• Around the same time as the Penn State faculty resolution banning booing at athletic contests, the New York Times offered this gem in an editorial endorsing Hillary Clinton for New York State Senator: "We believe that Mrs. Clinton is capable of growing beyond the ethical legacies of her Arkansas and White House years."

Sleazoid Essence

• The front page of the October 23-29 Washington Times was not a confidence-builder. Three of its four stories dealt with Clintonistas. First was the news that Independent Counsel Robert Ray's final report had made it clear October 18 that although he had the goods on Hillary Clinton, he didn't have enough to indict her. He concluded he could never win a case against Hillary in Wonderland, D.C., where Clintonistas are exceedingly popular and where juries are notoriously lenient toward defendants. Like the Penn State faculty, Ray had difficulty spitting out the word he wanted to use. His report artfully avoided calling Mrs. Clinton a liar, but did note that her sworn testimony in the Travelgate Unpleasantness was refuted by "overwhelming evidence" and that her statement under oath that she had no role in the firing of the hapless travel office staff was "factually inaccurate." Hillary's apostles and Hillary herself immediately claimed complete exoneration, though it was, of course, anything but. Ray was merely forced to admit that Hillary was too clever to leave tracks. Opposite this on page one was the story of a letter from Russian Prime Minister Victor Chernomyrdin to Weird Al--a copy of which the Times has in hand--in which the parties agreed to keep secret from Congress the details of Russia's sale of arms to Iran starting in late 1995. Gore has roundly denied everything, but the purloined letter suggests he is truth-challenged on this issue, too. The third story, placed there not by accident, I'm sure, was about a new survey of 20,000 of America's teen-agers, which revealed lying and cheating were widespread among teens--over 70 percent say they've cheated in school, for example, while 27 percent said they'd lie on a job application, and nearly eighty percent said they'd lied to teachers . The stories tie nicely together, I think, and are a reminder of the sleazoid essence of the Sick Administration and its many acolytes. (November 1, 2000)

• Author and troublemaker David Horowitz has been on C-SPAN2 discussing his new book, The Art of Political War and Other Radical Pursuits. Among other pungent observations was this item that the big talking heads aren't reporting: the Lieberman-Gore campaign regularly demonizes the drug industry but doesn't mention that Lieberman's wife was once a public relations executive for Pfizer, one of the world's largest drug companies. Horowitz says the "Democratic platform is now filled with the ideas of a 19th Century crackpot (Marx) whose ideas led to the deaths of millions of people." and notes that Democratic stalwarts Ted Kennedy, Sick, Weird Al, and Jesse Jackson send their children to private schools but oppose vouchers that might enable ordinary people to do the same. (November 2, 2000)

• William Safire wrote an exceptional column on the Dubya-Weird Al debate held in St. Louis. It was wonderfully written, insightful, and peppered with rich language such as Gore's "lupine lecturing" and Dubya's "Milquetoast role-playing." And in perhaps a bow to civility--the kind Coach wishes we'd all learn--Safire never once made any fecal references in describing either party or candidate. Certainly better than I could have done. Very impressive.

• A lot of Ralph Nader's support will evaporate in the voting booth Nov. 7. It's easy for lefties to huff and puff about how much they love Ralph now, but when they get inside the voting booth and realize that a vote for Nader is a vote for Bush, many will bail out. Democrats far better than Republicans know that the agenda trumps everything, and that theirs is a holy mission. Ralph's not going to get five per cent or six percent. More like two or three. (November 4, 2000)

Yup, He's All of Those Things--But He Ain't Al or Sick

• O.K. Dubya is shallow and smirky. He's an empty suit, an intellectual lightweight. He is a willing tool of the capitalist greedsters. He is a secret tool of the troglodytic Christian Right. Dubya is lazy, indifferent. He has limited to no intellectual curiosity. He is a snotty frat boy playing on the family name. He is a blank resume who never had a job till he was 40. He is fuzzy on the math, fuzzy on the thinking. He has a cursory to non-existent understanding of the Great Issues. Dubya is a liar, a bounder, and a fraud. He is a drunk. He is incompetent. He is unqualified by any measure--vision, leadership, intellect, experience--to be President. Like Daniel Douglas Diddle from the 1964 campaign, he wouldn't make a decent paperweight. He is an Enemy of the People. But, finally, he is not Weird Al or Sick Willie. That trumps all the rest of it for me. And I know at least a dozen Americans who feel the same way. And so, very soon, it will be time for Dubya and the full dozen of us to bend over and kiss our asses goodbye.

The Puckering Of John Ashcroft

• Imagine how tightly puckered John Ashcroft must be. He's the incumbent Republican senator from Missouri who's in danger of losing to a dead man, the late Mel Carnahan, who until a couple of weeks ago was Ashcroft's live Democratic opponent. But Carnahan was killed in a plane crash and the Dems launched a campaign to get the corpse elected, then give the job to the widow. When Carnahan was alive, he was behind in the polls. Dead, he's surged to the front. This may be Ashcroft's final clue that he has no future in politics. (November 3, 2000)

• Incumbent Republican Senator William Roth of Delaware may be giving off clues, too. The 79-year-old stalwart has fainted twice on television during campaign appearances this fall. The Dems are subtly mentioning the youthful vigor of their candidate. Different states, different strategies--living off the land, blending into the landscape with a dead candidate here, a live candidate there, seamlessly adapting to local conditions. You've got to admire their almost infinite creativity.

• Delaware Senator William Roth lost his re-election bid. He should have switched parties, then died before the election. Then he'd have won. (November 8, 2000)

• I told someone at work the day after the voting that we'd see lawsuits filed by the Democrats over the election. They looked at me like I was crazy. No way, they said.

George Knows He Isn't Supposed To Peek, But He Went Ahead And Peeked, Anyway

• Washington Post columnist George Will wrote in his first post-election column that ". . . the remarkable Democratic Party, which believes that a baby kicking in its mother's womb should not be considered alive but that a dead Senate candidate should be considered alive. . ."

• Election Night channel surfing produced the usual amount of shameless shilling and foolishness by TV's big talking heads. I've come to detest CNN's crew of incompetents led by Bernard Shaw and Judy Woodruff, and so completely skipped that network's offerings. I avoided the trio of ABC, NBC, and CBS except for a brief stop to watch Dan Rather--God only knows why--and incredibly lucky timing produced another of Dan's Truly Weird Moments. Shortly after George Bush was declared the winner in Florida, but before that was reversed, Rather spontaneously launched into a pathetic, blubbering eulogy for the fallen Al Gore. "Let no man ever say," Dan intoned, in the somber reverence they all reserve for Great American Tragedies, "that Al Gore didn't pour his heart and soul into this campaign. . ." I was unable to take notes, but Rather went on to praise how courageously Gore had labored, how he'd put his heart and soul into the race, and on and on and lugubriously on. I thought he was going to break down and cry. This was a rare moment, for what we witnessed was the mask of objectivity dropping under the overwhelming burden of grief Rather suffered at seeing his man crushed. Dan's mournful essay went on for several minutes, but when he came back from a network break his composure was restored. Presumably he was uncontrollably joyous an hour or two later when the roller coaster brought Gore back to life. I was long asleep by then. Dan is one weird dude.

Dropping The Mask. . .

• The only other performance close to Rather's came from legendary Clintonista-disguised-as-talk-show-host, Paul Begala. He appeared with co-hosts Chris Matthews and Brian Williams on MSNBC's election coverage, and his Kodak Moment came after the network had showed film of candidate Bush answering a pool reporter's questions in the governor's mansion in Austin. In reply to a question about the Florida race, Bush, who had just taken a phone call, said that he thought the pundits had declared Florida a Gore triumph a bit too early. Bush said the projection didn't square at all with his campaign's exit polling and other information, and that his staff was contacting the networks and others to protest. Fair enough, and there was no rancor or whine in Bush's voice. Begala moments later went ballistic, accusing Bush of being an incompetent whiner. Begala, who spent several years on television almost nightly defending Sick during the Impeachment Unpleasantness of the Late 1990s, grew increasingly strident in his attacks on Bush until Matthews finally interrupted to disagree and try to steer the conversation elsewhere . But Begala would not be dissuaded or silenced. He kept up the invective until Matthews finally cut him off curtly and said, "You're wrong." Begala, who presently makes a living co-hosting a network talk show, has shaved and cleaned up considerably from his scraggly days on the Clinton spin team. But the old ugliness flashed through Wednesday night. It was good to see Paul being honest again, dropping the pretense of objectivity. He's a rabid partisan. Nothing wrong with that. My only objection is that he wants to pretend he is not. (November 8, 2000)

It's Grassy Knoll Time, Again

• "I think it's a conspiracy. I really do. I think we should re-do the election and start all over again." --Coena White, 33, who attended a Miami rally led by the legendary Jesse Jackson to whip up support for new elections in Florida to win Al Gore the presidency, quoted in USA Today's Nov. 9 edition. (November 9, 2000)

• Up in Vermont Tuesday the nation's only Socialist congressman, Bernie Sanders, won easily over a transsexual Republican, according to USA Today. And not one peep of protest from lefties about this vicious discrimination against the differently sexed.

• USA Today's TV and entertainment writer, Robert Bianco, weighed in with his "best and worst" selections from Election Night. CNN's Bernard Shaw was his choice for "worst anchor," and MSNBC's Brian Williams was called the best. Bianco twice twitted MSNBC's Chris Matthews for his "overbearing presence" and his "ever-screeching" persona. Bianco described Fox News's set as "cheap looking" and seeming to "shimmer like a lava lamp." CNN's Robert Novak was "worst analyst." Mary Matalin, the lovely and talented bride of the legendary James Carville, was "strident, annoying, and shrill." Amy Holmes, a young black woman who offered some scorching criticism of--this is stunning--Al Gore, was chided for wearing a tight silver top on MSNBC's show. The top, Bianco thought, detracted from the serious image he thought she should be projecting. My reaction to that is that any American black who isn't a liberal Democrat has to be given credit for being serious. This, after all, is heresy. (November 9, 2000)

• Within 24 hours of the election, Al Gore had a team of fifty lawyers heading to Florida, and by the weekend, press reports had raised the number to 75. Why does this seem perfectly natural? Because it is standard operating procedure for the Sick-Gore Administration: bludgeon every Unpleasantness to death with lawyers. This is how Sick has gotten through all the crises of his reign. Weird Al has learned at the feet of the master. (November 9, 2000)

Butterflies, Demons, Prowlers, Shriekers. . .

• The Florida Election Unpleasantness has dragged back onstage most of the same spinners, shills, paid liars and flacks, lawyers, apologists, zealots, and acolytes who made the Impeachment Unpleasantness such a joy to behold. The Democrats are demonstrating once again that they have no peers at this sort of thing. Jesse Jackson is prowling South Florida. Gore's campaign manager, William Daley, the son of the greatest vote-stealer in American history, former Chicago Mayor Richard J. Daley, who wrote the book on vote fraud, is screaming about "one of the greatest injustices in our nation's history." The attack dogs are demonizing Florida and its election process. Protest marchers with professionally-made signs materialized in the streets in several cities demanding justice. Within hours of the polls closing, stories appeared about police preventing blacks from voting, anomalies everywhere, a corrupt balloting process.--the air was filled with the standard liberal mantra. The Palm Beach County "butterfly" ballot--a replica of which 74 eight-year-old second graders in Georgia successfully navigated as a class experiment on Friday after Election Day, was said to have somehow violated Florida law. Democrat SWAT teams poured into the streets rounding up victims to sign petitions claiming their rights had been violated. Lawsuits were filed within hours.The NAACP began screaming about discrimination. Margaret Carlson of Time magazine called military people who registered in Florida "tax dodgers" because the state has no income tax. The astonishing speed and precision with which the assault teams swung into action is a source of awe and admiration for us all. About all I'm missing so far are the familiar faces of Lanny Davis, Maxine Waters, David Bonior, Al Sharpton, John Conyers, Sheila Jackson-Lee and James Carville and the screeching silliness of Susan Estrich. They've doubtless been delayed only because of other unbreakable commitments.

• Weird Al's claim that winning the popular vote gave him the "moral authority" to seek to overturn the Florida election provided a moment of comic relief in the early going.

• Best Cruel Cartoon Seen So Far Re: The Gorenian Challenge Department: This morning's Indianapolis Star carried a cartoon showing a Presidential Bingo card with the names Gore, Bush, Buchanan, etc. spelled out. The caption: "An Election Ballot Palm Beach Voters Could Understand." Precious! (November 10, 2000)

• Columnist George Will remains at the top of his game. His post-election column in the November 13 Indianapolis Star opens with the observation that "the Clinton-Gore era culminates with an election as stained as the blue dress, a Democratic chorus complaining that the Constitution should not be the controlling legal authority, and Al Gore dispatching lawyers to litigate this: "It depends on what the meaning of 'vote' is." Nobody is likely to say it any more pungently than that. (November 13, 2000)

Dumbfounding Droolers

• Meantime, in a column in the Nov. 12 Indianapolis Star, black editorial writer James Patterson used sly innuendo to suggest that Dubya's brother, Florida Governor Jeb Bush, led a right-wing plot responsible for the Palm Beach County ballot that so confused Democratic droolers, and for other unspecified but heinous acts designed to deny Weird Al the Florida triumph surely his if not for evil conspirators. Will anyone be taking Patterson to task for this vicious and unfounded smear? Of course not. He gets a free pass. (November 13, 2000)

Impertinent Questions Not Yet Explored In The Gorenian Challenge

• How come not a single Republican voter has stepped forward to claim they couldn't understand the Palm Beach County ballot?

• TV's big talking heads haven't yet addressed this issue, either. What if The Gorenian Challenge takes us into January and February, litigating this, litigating that, sifting through the ruins in search of the meaning of the word of the day, and Coronation Day arrives and we've don't have a president. I have a hunch: some clever lawyer will propose a way to get Sick appointed interim president and he can stay on indefinitely, even for life.

Leaks Link Butterfly, Jesse, Daley

• Reports leaking out of South Florida allege that the Utterly Incomprehensible Palm Beach County 'Butterfly' Ballot Which Baffled So Many Democratic Voters was also used in Palm Beach County in its 1996 election and in its spring, 2000, primary election, and that a similar ballot was used in Cook County, Illinois, the home of Weird Al's campaign manager and Florida attack team commander, the legendary William Daley, and the voting base for the legendary Jesse Jackson. Not a single complaint is known to have been injected into the public record from these uses, even though about 15,000 ballots were invalidated in Palm Beach County's 1996 polling. How, how, how can this be?

• Word comes from Leesburg, Georgia, that some troublemaker in the local schools prepared a replica of the Utterly Incomprehensible Palm Beach County 'Butterfly' Ballot Which Baffled So Many Democratic Voters and gave it to seventy-four second-graders. The names of Disney characters were substituted for actual presidential candidates. The teacher would not allow or answer any questions. The children were simply told to vote for their favorite candidate. One hundred percent of the 8-year-olds successfully navigated the ballot. (November 10, 2000)

• A headline in Saturday's Indianapolis Star read: Bush Prods Gore to Concede Race. Just what the Bushites need to make their man look like a deep-thinking statesman. Does Dubya honestly think that with all that's at stake here that Weird Al, a ruthless, singleminded, strident, relentless bulldog whose entire political life has been one big fight for his causes, would actually consider dropping the fight? If so, Bush has taken leave of his senses.

• I have long believed that the chief reason Republicans fare so poorly against Democrats is that the Republicans don't have a clue about how winning politics is conducted. The famed 1995 "government shutdown" and, indeed, almost any encounter Republicans have had with the peerless Sick Willie are prime examples. So is Bush's calling for Weird Al to concede. Republicans seem to believe that they should be able to carry the day through the sheer force of their ideas, by merely winning an intellectual argument. The Democrats ultimately don't give a crap about ideas or winning arguments--they know that "whatever it takes" is how political battles are won, be they elections, impeachment attempts, or any other battle for the "hearts and minds " of the people. And if it takes lying, distortion, demagoguing, demonizing, so be it. That is the prime reason why Democrats are so incredibly skillful at politics, at getting their candidates elected, at infesting key organizations and segments of society--academe, the entertainment industry, labor unions, and local politics are ready examples--with their apostles. While Republicans sit in the parlor huffing and puffing and believing they've won the argument, Democrats are in the streets and backyards, burrowing, burrowing. And when election day comes, Democrats are far, far better organized and skillful at getting "their people" out to vote. A pundit on Chris Matthews' Hardball program on MSNBC made exactly this point last week. Republicans, he said, send post cards and make a few phone calls and think they've really energized their troops. Democrats, meantime, are driving through America's neighborhoods in vans and buses, backing up trucks at nursing homes and hospitals and asylums, homeless shelters, copying the names from tombstones in local cemeteries, knocking on doors at rehab centers and halfway houses, wherever potential Democrat votes might be lurking, figuratively dragging people by the hair down to the voting booth. Any actual "contest" between the two parties is, therefore, a comical mismatch. Much as I dislike what results, we've got to stand in sheer awe at how good The Democrats are at this game. If Republicans don't figure this out, they are doomed to increasing irrelevancy, and they will richly deserve it.

Classic Sick

• Election Day's mail brought with it the December issue of Esquire magazine. Sick's on the cover, and perfectly posed: on a stool, legs wide apart to draw our eyes to his crotch, sincere blue tie slightly askew, hands on his knees, that classic Clintonian smirk on his face. In an exclusive interview, Sick advances the novel notion that the Republicans should apologize to the nation for trying to impeach him. Preposterous. But classically Sick. (November 13, 2000)

• According to Wes Pruden, editor of the Washington Times, at least 268,945 Palm Beach County voters (subject, of course, to a recount) were able to successfully navigate the Utterly Incomprehensible local ballot by punching the correct hole to vote for Weird Al. So it's not all Democrats who are confused, just some.

• Is it time for Janet Reno to send a SWAT team to Florida? (November 13, 2000)

Addition By Subtraction Department

• Veteran CNN anchor Bernard Shaw has announced he's retiring at the end of February, 2001. A good decision, one sure to raise the quality of broadcast journalism.

• There are lots of Florida Election-related e-mail jokes and pictures circulating. My favey so far is of a Palm Beach County marcher bearing a sign which says "Shiny Objects Distracted Me and Made Me Vote For Pat Buchanan." (November 15, 2000)

• Have we noticed how utterly natural and normal it seems to once again have our television screens jammed 24 hours a day and night with the same old cast of lovable shills, spinners, flacks, con artists, glitterati, and dopes from academe we grew to know and love during the Impeachment Unpleasantness Said to Have Involved Sick Willie? This crew was mobilized worldwide within 24 hours of the election. I stand in awe. How about you?

• And where is Howard Beale when we really need him?

• Weird Al still holds the ultimate trump card: the seven-member Florida Supreme Court, consisting of six Democrats and one Independent. Triumph lies therein.

• Day Eight of The Gorenian Captivity passed still without a single Republican voter anywhere in this great nation stepping forward to complain of being unable to figure out the Utterly Incomprehensible Palm Beach County Butterfly Ballot. (November 15, 2000)

• Last night I heard a Gorenian on TV telling the nation that a new outrage has been uncovered. Somewhere in Florida a ballot was used which had a blank line above Weird Al's name and a blank line below it. Democrats are claiming this is unfair and confusing to Democrat voters and has violated their civil rights and denied them the right to vote. It was darkly hinted that still another lawsuit could be filed. That a society would even consider such a preposterous claim is proof we live in an insane asylum.

• The Wall Street Journal reported today that "one battle-tested Democratic consultant" has already begun "a quiet intelligence-gathering operation that could aid a last-ditch Gore strategy" to persuade Bush electors to change their votes. "This is hand-to-hand combat, every single moment," exulted another "senior strategist" for the Gorenians. The article referred to Weird Al's huge "armada" of attorneys, spinners, and apostles and seemed to be opining that the Gorenians have assembled the largest ground force in the history of political combat to drive the hated enemy to ground and utter annihilation. It's just like Jonathan Winters had union boss Billy Bigbody saying, in the 1964 campaign: "Life is one big fight!" God, don't you just love this!!! (November 16, 2000)

• Still, I'd feel better if I knew where Al Sharpton and Jimbo Carville were last night.

• At 0615 Zulu hours this morning I received a transmission indicating huge swarms of black choppers had appeared over Tallahassee and Palm Beach and that local radio and television stations had abruptly gone off the air. The transmission included a report that the leathery face of Janet Reno had been spotted behind the bulletproof plexiglass wind screens of the lead chopper over Tallahassee, and that as it swooped in at treetop level Reno was heard screaming something about ". . .napalm in the morning." There the message ended. Did anyone else hear anything about this? (November 16, 2000)

• Joseph Sobran's new book, Hustler: The Clinton Legacy, minces no words in describing Sick Willie: "Clinton's chief accomplishment has been to bring a new level of degeneracy to the presidency." And on Clinton as a leader: ". . .he fails the most basic test of a leader: nobody wants to be known as his follower. He doesn't appeal to national pride: he shames it." Nor does he spare Sick's apostles: "Clinton is a cynic defended by an army of fanatics." And then back to Sick again: "Bill Clinton isn't our worst president, just the most degraded--the first occupant of the White House to inspire zipper jokes and speculation about possible sociopathic tendencies." How come he lets him off so easy? (November 18, 2000)

Yeah, But It's Our 60 Million. . .

• Funny, I don't hear any liberals screaming about money corrupting our politics when the subject is Jon Corzine, the Democrat who spent over $60 million of his own money to win a New Jersey seat in the U.S. Senate.

• Republicans are to national politics what Indiana University is to college football.

Yeah But He's Our Corrupt Politician. . .

• Still, I hear nobody in the mainstream media talking about the delicious irony of Bill Daley, who learned politics at the feet of his corrupt daddy, former Chicago Mayor Richard J. Daley, running Weird Al's Florida Scorched Earth Campaign.

• Few campaign spectacles were weirder than Weird Al's claim that he was for smaller government and that due to his efforts government was smaller than any time since JFK was president. Some prick has looked up the facts and here they are: Nine out of every 10 federal government jobs "reduced" during the 1990-1999 period came from shrinking American military forces and defense industry jobs and from cuts in Energy Department due to diminished production of nuclear weapons and cleanups of nuclear plants. The end of the Cold War, in other words, is responsible for practically all the federal job cuts, not Weird Al. (November 19, 2000)

• How long before Weird Al claims he graduated from the Electoral College?

• Politicians have long known a fundamental truth: that a lie told emphatically enough and long enough becomes the truth for a majority of the population. The concept has been used for centuries, but it's been raised to the full flower of an art form by the Clintonistas. Here's how it works. Start with a nation of extremely short attention span. Television is the reason why. Several American generations have been raised by television, spent thousands of hours slack-jawed in front of their TV sets. Sensory input from television comes in short bursts. Human brains are hard-wired in infancy to receive and process information this way. There is less and less time in contemporary society for thoughtful contemplation of anything. In another era, people got their information mostly from reading and conversation. A reader may partially finish a book or article, return to it later, go back and re-read pages or chapters. With television, not only is the information brief to begin, but it is then gone. There is no going back to listen again, to reconsider or analyze what was said. Whatever impression you get in those brief seconds is the one you retain. The second key factor is that television's viewing audience is in constant flux. The audience is always moving, shifting. People tune in when they can, absorb input, move on. The every-night ritual of families gathering in front of the television to watch the evening news is long gone. And the modern American is impatient and irritated with anything that bores or demands too much contemplation. Another crucial element is the indifference of television journalists--and to a lesser degree those in print--to aggressive pursuit of facts or truth. Most TV journalists perform as if they believe their duty ends once they've held a microphone up to a subject's face and allowed them to speak. They have little interest in challenging even obvious distortions and preposterosities. To do so would involve the uniquely modern sin of being judgmental. Those with messages to convey to the public thus have a compliant, lazy, nearly inert media through which to reach their audience. And on the infrequent occasions when a topic is more fully explored, serious follow-up questions are asked, and a distortion or lie revealed, the correction never catches up to all the original audience. The math is inexorable. Say 100 Americans watch a Clintonista spin a lie. A certain proportion--say 50 percent--will believe it. Suppose that the next day the lie is fully exposed and proven false. If that correction is on television, the previous night's audience will never be reached 100 percent. And if they were, a certain portion would refuse to believe the correction, will believe it's a lie made up by the Enemy. If the same Clintonista goes on television the next night and ignores the rebuttal and repeats the original lie, a portion of the second evening's audience will buy in. Eventually lies told and truths ignored become truth, become facts for huge numbers of citizens. This was beautifully illustrated during the Impeachment Unpleasantness, when what seemed like thousands of Clintonistas appeared nightly for several years on television to chant mantra, We are seeing the same techniques now in the Florida Election Unpleasantness. The same people are back on TV every night doggedly spinning Weird Al's cause. They know what they are doing, believe me. (November 20, 2000)

You Prop Up Your Corpse, We'll Prop Up Ours. . .

• If I'm Trent Lott, I offer the Democrats a deal. We'll enroll your dead Mel Carnahan as Senator from Missouri if you'll agree to embalm him like Lenin, bring him to Wonderland, D.C., and prop up the corpse on the Senate floor. You can rig up the mummy with wires like a puppet, so it can punch buttons to vote from the floor. Fair enough? I think the Demos will go for it in a minute!

• We know one thing: once Weird Al is President, there'll be thousands of candidates deserving the reward of Ambassador to Chad. (November 20, 2000)

• Why don't we take some of the hundreds of trillions of dollars of federal surplus and buy every precinct in the United States new voting machines? Or would that be a "risky scheme"?

• Could anyone have missed the sickening irony of our draft-dodger president, Sick Willie, visiting Vietnam? I've not heard a peep from anyone in the big mainstream media about this. I guess they see nothing unusual about it.

• One thing I want to know is who's paying for the cunning mob of lawyers scuttling all over Florida these days? (November 20, 2000)

• The talk-show hosts and pundits are trying to get Gore and Bush flacks to identify a point at which their guy would throw in the towel. So far neither Bushites nor Gorenians will answer. I'll bet this, though: that Weird Al will fight longer than Dubbya.

• Weird Al's final card, should he fail with the Florida and United States Supreme Courts, will be to launch an all-out attack on Bush electors to persuade some to change their votes. (November 20, 2000)

• "(William Daley). . .preaching about moral rectitude when he is the scion of one of the most corrupt politicians in the history of America. . .it just makes my flesh crawl." --Ben Stein, author, economist, and TV personality, and a Republican, quoted in the November 20 edition of USA Today, on Weird Al's Florida SWAT team manager, William Daley, who is son of the legendarily corrupt late Chicago Mayor Richard J. Daley.

• As someone aptly pointed out November 20 in USA Today, the television industry seems far more hysterical than are ordinary citizens about the Florida Unpleasantness "going on forever." The pundits all have their own doomsday scenarios and "crisis" seems to be about every other word you hear on TV. As historian Doris Goodwin and columnist William Safire both said over the weekend on MSNBC's Hardball program, just relax, stay calm, the system is working and we have time to let it work.

• Chris Matthews, host of MSNBC's Hardball political talk show, featured on Nov. 20 an attorney speaking from Tallahassee, Florida, where the state Supreme Court was hearing arguments about the Gorenian Challenge. Six of the seven justices are alleged to be Democrats and the seventh is said to be an Independent. But the lawyer kept insisting that despite these facts, the Court was "not a Democratic Court." Only when Chris kept challenging him and noted that all seven were appointed by Democratic governors, would the attorney finally concede that this court "is a liberal court, it's left of center." But of course liberal and left of center don't mean they're Democrats. Another example of a glitterati so full of himself that he believes that if he tells us a Democratic Court isn't Democratic that we will--no, must--believe it. Preposterous. (November 20, 2000)

• Bushites are said to be turning now to a doomsday plan that would have the Florida legislature, said to be "heavily dominated" by Republicans, nominate its own electors. Only one problem with this: The First Rule of New Millenium Politics, which states that the more Republicans you assemble in a room the less courage, vision, insight, intelligence, leathery testicles, guts, competence, and fortitude there will be found in that room. The Republican-dominated Florida legislature, by definition fatally deficient in the aforementioned essentials and with its own political future on the line, is not going to do anything of the kind. Quit dreaming, Bushites. (November 22, 2000)

• A Republican is reported to have squawked to the press that he saw a Democrat recount worker eating chads. Better than feces, surely.

• The Palm Beach supervisor of elections, a Democrat, for 10 years has been on record saying a "dimpled ballot is not to be counted as a vote." NBC's Tim Russert confronted Democratic Senator Tom Daschle with that evidence Nov. 26 on Meet The Press and asked Daschle why the Democrats now want to overrule their own local official. Daschle's answer was so ludicrous I couldn't write it down, but it didn't include the one word that would have honestly explained it. Hypocrisy. (November 26, 2000)

• "Regardless of how this plays out, there's a bright future for Al Gore." --Democratic Senator Tom Daschle, on Meet The Press, November 26, 2000.

• The Indianapolis Star in an editorial Nov. 26 noted that in Broward County, Florida, 105 ballots were discovered on which both presidential votes had been punched out but one "vote" had been covered by someone taping a loose chad back on the ballot. And in some cases, the taped-on chads were upside down. And now the big shocker: 81 of those 105 ballots were deemed to have been for Weird Al. And if there's a liberal in the country who'll admit to finding anything the least bit peculiar about this, I'd like to meet him. (November 26, 2000)

• State Rep. Lois Frankel, a Democrat and House minority leader in the Florida legislature, has been to spin school, too. Appearing Sunday on Meet the Press,she was asked by host Tim Russert what she thought a passage from Florida law meant, after Russert had read it aloud and put it up on the screen. In simple English, it said that a state legislautre may name its own electors in certain circumstances. Frankel, in a classically Clintonian non-answer, said she thought the people of Florida had voted and their votes should be counted. Tim let it slide past without challenge.

Riling The Rabble--And Hey, How About A Whiff Of This!

• The TV screens have been crammed with lefties screaming about mob violence following an apparently Republican protest in Florida. The dutiful Joe Lieberman held a press conference to call it "mob action designed to intimidate local officials." The elephantine congressman from New York, Jerry Nadler, snorted and said he detected "a whiff of Facism in the air." Wacko leftie Congressman David Bonior accused the GOP of bringing in "thugs" to terrorize hapless local Democratic Party faithful. Religious Left columnist Al Hunt of the Wall Street Journal huffed angrily about the GOP "bringing in a bunch of people from outside to orchestrate a demonstration." Fellow traveler Margaret Carlson of Time magazine claimed Republicans were paying all the mob's expenses and salaries. But oddly enough, there's never a peep of protest from liberals when the Democratic Party's party's lead race-baiters and demagogues, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, show up in Florida (as Jackson did within hours of the Florida polls closing) or anyplace else to invoke Selma and the Holocaust and rile the rabble. (November 26, 2000)

• And speaking of demagogues, have we noted the utter invisibility in This Most Recent Unpleasantness of two of the Democratic Party's very finest, Jimbo Carville and The Reverend Al Sharpton? I'd feel better if we had tracking devices implanted in these two bacteria.

• I wouldn't be surprised to learn that the Democrats' secret game plan is to stall and delay Florida's election results to and past the day the Electoral College must vote. Without Florida, Gore wins, anyway. Perfect.

• ABC's Face The Nation program was livelier than normal November 26, due largely to the combustible mixture of guests David Bonior, the wacko, radical leftie Michigan Congressman, and the troglodytic Republican House majority leader, Dick Armey. The two clashed sharply after Bonior tossed off some typically casual demagoguery that Armey was so partisan that he'd said he would never attend a Gore inauguration should Weird Al prevail in the still-delayed election. Armey erupted, "That's a lie! And you know it's a lie! I never said that! And I challenge you to document my ever having said it! I would be polite and go!" Bonior seemed to be taken aback by Armey's vehemence. Host Cokie Roberts began to intervene and Bonior uttered not a word of reply to Armey's challenge. So. Seems fair to conclude Bonior was lying. It's so refreshing to see one of these people taken to the mat and held publicly accountable. This sort of cheap lying and distortion goes on around the clock in public life and not once in a thousand times does anyone--a journalist, a talk show host, a moderator, or even the victim--stand up to challenge it. It's a major reason why public life is so sordid and degraded, and the public is so poorly served by the media and by its public masters (they are not our servants). (November 26, 2000)

• There was also this sharp jousting between Armey and Roberts. Cokie twice, three times tried to lure Armey into responding to her question about whether Armey and the Republicans believed the Democrats were "stealing" the election. Armey deflected. When Cokie again returned to the question, Armey finally said, "I'm a Republican. I could never use that word, Cokie. You wouldn't tolerate it. However, you have used it, and I won't disagree with it." Armey was not afraid to twit Roberts with the obvious--that most journalists are liberals and they apply a different standard to Republicans than to Democrats. I like Armey's feistiness. I wish more Republicans had his sharp edge and unwillingness to roll over.

Clogged With Baloney Is More Like It. . .

• On the same show, panelist George Stephanopolous, a Clintonista trying to rehabilitate himself, raised a new wail on behalf of his Democratic friends. "The voting machines in Palm Beach County weren't working--they were clogged with chads," he said.

• George Will, also a panelist on Face the Nation,Sunday raised the fascinating possibility that the Democrats' longer-range goals might be better served if Dubya were President. He speculated that the interests of Weird Al and the interests of his party may be about to diverge. "2002 could be a terrific year (for the Democrats) if Bush is President," Will said. If you believe that whichever party loses this election will have the added incentive of believing the election was stolen from them, plus the history of the "out party" usually gaining seats in off-year elections, Will's formulation makes sense. Of course the reverse would be true if Gore prevails. Then the Republicans would be on a holy crusade.

Confirmed Sighting of The Left Reverend Al!

• USA Today reports that the legendary Al Sharpton, who's been below radar since the Florida Election Unpleasantness erupted, has surfaced in Miami where he filed a federal lawsuit against Florida Secretary of State Katherine Harris, the state's election board, and Dubbya himself. Al claims Miami-Dade County's minority voters have been disfranchised by these godless infidels. It's good to have Al back demagogueing at his finest! (November 28, 2000)

• The Miami Herald hit the streets Sunday (December 3) with a blockbuster "What If. . ." feature claiming that its analysis showed that if every last vote--dangling, hanging, pregnant--had been counted in Florida that Weird Al would have won by some 23,000 votes. Tim Russert, host of NBC's Meet The Press, waved the front page at guest Dick Cheney and asked what he thought of that. Cheney, unflappable and calm as usual, pointed out that the problem is that in order to vote for someone, a voter has to actually vote, not just intend to. Terrible news for lefties, if true. And of course Cheney could be absolutely wrong about every last syllable of this.

• Pundits seem to have given up trying to keep an accurate count of the number of lawsuits filed over the Florida election. First I heard 42, then "over 60." Soon, probably, it'll be hundreds. Few things better reflect American society as it relentlessly nurses its countless grievances.

• Bushites aren't saying it publicly, but the most dangerous legal issue facing them is in Seminole County, Florida, where Nikki Clark, a black female judge who the press reports was "passed over by Republican Governor Jeb Bush for a higher court appointment," is going to rule on a Democrat activist's suit asking that all absentee ballots (coincidentally heavily Republican) be thrown out because of alleged improprieties. This--a member of the Democratic Party's most cherished client constituency having the power to hand the presidency to Weird Al--is as close to a dream come true as it gets for the Gorenians. Stay tuned to Seminole County.

Wailing Comma Lamentations. . .

• The Religious Left hit the Wailing Wall last night in the wake of a Florida trial judge's thundering rebuke of the Gorenians. Judge N. Sanders Sauls--a registered Democrat--not only turned 'em down, he made it humiliating. Gorenian Spinners surged onto the evening talk shows, nonetheless, and tried to make the best of a pretty brown thing. Alan Fein, a Gorenian attorney, was first up on Chris Matthews' Hardball show on MSNBC. Chris asked Fein how he'd characterize the judge's verdict and Fein said, "It couldn't have been worse if (Dubbya's lead attorney) Barry Richard had written the opinion. Now I don't mean to suggest that he did---" Matthews startled the audience and certainly Fein by cutting in sharply at this instant to say, "Well, then, why did you?" Fein backed and filled as good spinners do, but he was visibly unsettled by Matthews' feistiness. Fein conceded that Weird Al has "got to get the Florida Supreme Court to (overturn Judge Sauls's rulings) within 48 hours or it's over." Then Fein turned pathetic, telling Chris that, "It's as if no one wants to do the heavy lifting of counting the ballots. It's as though you have the murder weapon and he (the judge) won't look at it." Following Hardball, host Geraldo Rivera and his guests on Rivera Live thrashed like mortally wounded animals for the better part of an hour. There was bitterness, pain, and anger in Geraldo's voice as he noted that "the pressure on Gore (to concede) will grow malignantly now." He called it a "total bashing" by Judge Sauls, bemoaned that Dubbya is "the luckiest candidate for President in the history of the world." Rivera said it was a "knockout blow" and protested that Judge Sauls "is not only the trier of the facts but the interpreter of the law." Jonathan Alter of Newsweek, another of those famously objective journalists, said it looked gloomy indeed for Gore but that there was still hope. Stretching for a metaphor he likened the Gorenian Agony to his team trailing in extra innings with two outs, but "Nikki is coming to bat in the bottom of the 15th inning. . ." His voice trailed off in the wistful hope that Judge Nikki Clark, the black female Democrat judge in Seminole County, Florida, who will preside over a case opening December 6 that could hand Gore the Presidency, will produce the ruling the Gorenians so desperately yearn for. (December 5, 2000)

Prince of Polemics, Vicar of Vitriol, Caliph of Calumny. . .

• Matt LaBash, writing in the Nov. 20 edition of The Weekly Standard, has vaulted into serious contention for my Polemicist of The Year Award with a scorching assessment of the swirling mob of Democratic Party hacks, lawyers, publicity seekers, frauds, charlatans, Gorenians, and mongrel dimwatts clotting Florida's streets. Breaking away from a Jesse Jackson-led rally of Religious Left screechers and howlers in West Palm Beach, LaBash referred to the proceedings as "this dance of the low-sloping foreheads. . ." Perfect! (December 5, 2000)

• Intrepid journalist Tim Russert passed up an absolutely exquisite opportunity to harpoon a wacko liberal Sunday as host of NBC's Meet The Press. Senator Christopher Dodd, the Democrat from Connecticut, was Tim's guest. Dodd was furiously spinning the Gorenian mantra about fairness, the will of the people, the intent of the voter, and every vote being counted. He cited as a perfect example the case of a sadly baffled Florida voter--American's heart surely ached when Dodd told this story--who was unable to solve Palm Beach's horrific ballot complexities and so just wrote "I want to vote for Al Gore" across the face of the ballot and turned it in. That, beamed Dodd, was a vote that clearly should have been counted. Though he was saying it in code, Dodd was actually telling us that Democrats really want one of two things: First, no voting rules or regulations at all, or second, if some prick does sneak in rules then they must be ignored whenever it suits the Democratic cause. Russert let Dodd's preposterosity go by unchallenged. (December 10, 2000)

• After watching about an hour of MSNBC's Tuesday night coverage of the U.S. Supreme Court decision on the presidential election, we switched over to CNN for a look. The change in tone was startling. CNN, led by the ridiculous Bernard Shaw and Judy Woodruff, was openly sympathetic to Weird Al and spent an inordinate amount of time focusing on his pain and the angry dissents of the liberal justices on the losing side. The pain and frustration on the faces and in the voices of the CNN crew was dramatically evident. (December 12, 2000)

• The talk shows spent hours trying to divine the intent of the justices. Which way are they leaning? What did their questions mean? One justice was seen entering a restroom--what did it mean? The anchors may as well disembowel a goat on their desks on live TV and read the entrails as engage in a lot of this empty blather. We've got to sympathize with the reporters and show hosts. Even when there is no news to report, they are faced with the unforgiving TV camera which runs 24 hours a day year-around and has to be filming something. I'm all for the entrails, myself. (December 12, 2000)

What Could Top This? Well. . .

• Yes, I could be happier. What would top this--the Supreme Court's overthrow of Weird Al's legal crusade--is if Gore had lost by one vote and it could be verified that that vote had been cast by a black Hispanic-surnamed female cross-dressing lesbian transvestite, who was a union steward and a founding member of the National Women's Organization, had AIDS and Attention Deficit Disorder, had used a butterfly ballot, and was still screaming that she really, really had been confused and intended for vote for Weird Al all along. That would be perfect.

• Especially thrilling in all this is that while the Democrats are feverishly trashing the troglodytic right-wing court system, it was the Florida Supreme Court, packed with seven certified liberals, which hung Weird Al out to dry. Its decisions and failures were directly responsible for the U.S. Supremes' thundering rebuke. True justice, I say.

• Democrats are screaming about the rule of law. Aside from the flagrantly liberal Florida Supreme Court, they lost every other significant court decision in this long, sad spectacle. Even lower court Democratic judges ruled against Weird Al. So what they really mean is they want the rule of law only when the courts rule in their favor.

• These cases aren't about facts, they're about politics. Judges are the ultimate politicians in these cases." --Gerry Spence, the fringed-buckskin clad far left-wing attorney who ascended to national celebrityhood during the O.J. Simpson trial, commenting on Geraldo Rivera's MSNBC talk show about the initial U.S. Supreme Court ruling against the Gorenians, while making it clear to Geraldo and the millions in the audience that as soon as Spence's "ultimate politicians" ruled in Gore's favor, then the long-lost Rule of Law lefties are screaming so much about will have returned to grace our fair land.

Dems Howling For Some Judicial Restraint Now

• And what a soul-quenching comic spectacle it was to see Democrats crying out for judicial restraint, a notion they ridicule and reject in ordinary circumstances.

• Weird Al's surrender speech Wednesday night (Dec. 13) has to be the best speech he's ever given. It was superb. He struck all the right notes of graciousness. He courageously uttered the word "concession", promised to keep up the good fight, and never yielded to lifelong habits of anger, meanness, self-pity, and arrogance, which many observers feared would inevitably surface. Gore emphatically placed country and patriotism over partisan politics. He deserves high praise for this speech, and sympathy, too. When he came onstage and throughout his talk he wore the glazed, ashen look of the grief-stricken. It must have taken enormous self-discipline and bravery to step before the nation and give up his dream. (December 13, 2000)

Yeah, But He's Our Race-Monger. . .

• The Democrats' leading race-monger, Jesse Jackson, was ubiquitous before and after the Supreme Court's ruling. Jesse promised "upheaval" throughout the country if the Supremes went against Weird Al--the clear implication being that"upheaval" could well mean Jackson-inspired violence in the streets. After the Court trashed Weird Al, Jesse demagogued about conspiracies to deny blacks their rights, and compared the current moments to the dark days of Selma and even the Nazis. A white person who said such things would be demonized--if not beaten to death by mobs in the streets--nationwide within minutes of the utterance. I am still waiting for someone to tell me why Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, and others like them get a free pass from the Democratic Party and practically all the media. Except for a few conservative kooks, we hear not a peep from anyone about this brand of racism.

• Poor Tim Russert. The host of CBS's Meet The Press tried three times Sunday (December 17) to get wacko leftwing kook liberal, Dick Gephardt, the Democratic House Minority Leader, to say he considered Dubbya a "legitimate" president. Three times The Dickster spun and evaded. Finally, Tim gave up. I would not have. I would have put down my pencil, my Palm Pilot, and my little white clipboard, looked Gephardt fiercely in the eye and said, "Well, Dick, buck up, because I'm going to keep asking you the same question over and over for the remaining air time we have, until you either answer it or the show goes off the air. Your choice." (December 18, 2000)

• Tim tried the same question with the Democratic Party's Officer in Charge of Race-Baiting and Demagoguery, Jesse Jackson, and Jesse, too, was far too adroit for Tim. The question remains: why does Jesse get a free pass from the media?

• Wacko leftwing liberal Senator Tom Daschle said Sunday that he "could think of nothing that would divide the nation more than" an across-the-board tax cut the Repubicans are talking about. And on Sunday a CBS survey showed 61 percent of Americans favor such a tax cut.

• Having lost the election, the Democrats are now chanting the mantra of bipartisanship and compromise. Yet they and their accomplices in the liberal press speak only of what Republicans are going to have to give up. I have heard not a soul ask what the Democrats are going to give up or compromise on.

• Another ugly truth the press won't be jumping on: Dubya's appointment of three minorities--Colin Powell, Condoleezza Rice, and Al Gonzalez--to major roles in his administration won't get him or the GOP a shred of credit from the Left. We can probably get Democrats to grudgingly concede the three are, indeed, minorities, but it is obvious they are the politically incorrect variety. Thus we have only faint praise and backing and filling from the left when the topic arises. The Republicans are trashed by liberals for not being inclusive, but when they appoint minorities they get no credit for it. The problem and the thundering hypocrisy is this: Had Bush named Snoop Doggy Dogg Secretary of State, Mike Tyson his National Security Adviser and Johnny Cochran White House Counsel we'd have heard liberals applauding all around. The others--Bush's actual choices--just aren't the kind the Left admires and worships. (December 18, 2000)

• Dubya and the Republicans should remember two things as this new administration is launched: "Partisan" is liberal code for "You don't agree with me." "Bipartisanship" is liberal code for giving lefties what they want.

Yeah, But It's Our $8 Million. . .

• Sorry For Peeking Department: Newt Gingrich was excoriated by the Democrats on the mid-1990s when it was revealed he had a $4 million dollar book deal with a publisher. The furor was so intense that Gingrich gave up the deal. But the same crowd of screamers and howlers are utterly silent now, when an $8 million deal for a book by Hillary Clinton is announced.

• For the first time in living memory, I heard someone use the term "the extreme left" on national television. Senate Democratic minority leader Tom Daschle uttered the words Dec. 31 on Meet The Press, joining them with "the extreme right" in a fairminded statement about politics in America. In my lifetime, at least, it has been journalistic practice to use only the term "extreme right" in public. Even in this shocking instance, it was a non-journalist--Daschle--who uttered the forbidden term. Daschle also admitted that there were "certain questions" which hadn't been properly investigated in Sick's nomination of a black judge, Ronnie White, to a court position requiring Senate confirmation. Pressed by host Tim Russert to respond to liberal claims that racism is involved, Daschle backed and filled and said he wouldn't say it was racism but it "certainly seemed to be more than a coincidence." (December 31, 2000)

• With two weeks left in his term, Sick has changed, by executive order, the wording on the District of Columbia license plates to "Taxation without Representation," a none-too-subtle pander to blacks and a thinly disguised push for D.C. statehood. This despite the fact that Sick did nothing to advance this cause in his previous eight years. Sick is leaving this little trick behind like a fresh turd in the china cabinet, to try to maneuver incoming President Bush into having to reversing it and thus outraging more liberals. Only trouble is, Bush only got 9 percent of the black vote in the the past election, so why should he worry about losing votes over this? Sick will have more little surprises for us in his final days, and all it proves is the man is a 24-7-365 sleazoid dirtbag.

• The left is already demonizing John Ashcroft, Bush's nominee for attorney general. Behind all the high-minded screeching by Democrats and their client constituencies is this simple truth: Ashcroft in the eyes of the left, has committed two cardinal sins: He is a deeply religious man, and he is opposed to abortion. There are no greater sins in the eyes of the Left. This is what's behind the anti-Ashcroft hysteria. (December 31, 2000)

• The Left's yapping about "reaching out" and bringing Democrats into his administration is disingenuous. In the first place, any Democrat joining this administration would be branded a traitor to his own party, and no Democratic member of the House or Senate would be allowed to give up a seat to serve in the Bush Administration, given the present razor-thin margins in both houses of Congress. In the second, why would Dubya want to invite any of the enemy into his own camp? This would be like building an on-ramp to your house to make it easier for termites to get inside.

• Alcee Hastings, the impeached former Florida judge who now faithfully serves the Democratic Party as a Florida Congressman, has ridiculed Bush's first two black appointees, Colin Powell and Condoleeeza Rice, as not being "helpful" (to the black cause as Hastings defines it) and "not having a following." Well, certainly not like Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, or Snoop Doggy Dogg.

Yeah, But He's Our Impeached Former Judge. . .

• Hastings, who joined the shilling throng of Gorenian spinners swarming all over the television talk show circuit during the recent Florida Election Unpleasantness, doesn't talk about his past. And, indeed, I've never heard it mentioned by a journalist except for an article in the Sept. 28, 1998 issue of The Weekly Standard as the Sick Impeachment proceedings gathered steam. Hastings was Florida's first black district court judge. He was a Jimmy Carter appointee in 1979. In August of 1988 the U.S House of Representatives voted 426-3 to impeach Hastings, by now a federal judge, on charges of taking bribes from the bench and committing perjury. In October of 1989 the Senate closed the deal with a 69-26 vote to remove Hastings from office on charges of conspiracy and perjury. Hastings got the last laugh, as these types almost always do. He was elected a U.S Representative only three years after being disgraced and removed from the bench, and has been serving his constituency since. I just find it interesting that the media never forgets, for example, the disgrace of a Richard Nixon, but (almost) never again mentions the background of a wacko demagoguing left-winger like Hastings. Indeed, he is warmly welcomed on the celebrity circuit and treated as a man of impeccable credentials. I know, I know, we're not supposed to notice these things. (December 31, 2000)

• For my money, no one in television journalism comes close to C-SPAN's Brian Lamb for interviewing skills. I chanced upon his late-December interview with two journalists, Howard Kurtz of the Washington Post and Karen Tumulty of Time magazine. Both covered the presidential campaigns. Both felt Gore's media spinners hurt the vice-president more than helped him. Both said Gore's crew made such a relentless effort to spin press coverage that reporters began to take offense at their heavy-handedness. Kurtz said he spent several days in late summer with the Bush campaign and it was a "revelation" how easygoing and relaxed Bush and his aides were around the press. On the Gore side, added Tumulty, "things were much more tense" between press and campaign staff. Kurtz remarked he was surprised at the extent of the "scripting" the Gore campaign followed. To illustrate, he recounted a "strategy session" for top aides at Gore's Nashville campaign base at 4:30 a.m. the morning after the election. There, he said, Gore aides were preparing "talking points" for the campaign to use to launch their Florida challenge that very morning. (By seven-thirty that morning, the Gore team was reported to have had 50 to 75 lawyers on the ground and going to work in Florida. It was widely concluded in the press that the Bush campaign was stunned by the swiftness of the Gorenian post-election assault in Florida, and it took several days for the Republicans to counter-attack effectively.) Tumulty said "the only thing that worked for the Gore campaign" was the Democratic Convention. She and Kurtz both felt that the debates damaged Gore and helped Bush. Asked by Lamb to elaborate on efforts to manage news coverage, Tumulty spoke of receiving e-mail "prebuttals," which she described as rebuttals from Gore's campaign to Bush campaign "statements that hadn't even been made yet." She added that late on election day, when it became obvious to the Gore campaign that the race was going to be very close, Gore himself began calling Afro-American radio stations across the country, offering immediate, free interviews of himself, during which he urged black listeners to get out to the polls and vote for him even at the last-minute. Gore was "using the time zones where polls were still open, working them hard," Tumulty said. This was thoroughly engrossing television, and provided more insights in an hour that we get from days of watching cable channel squawk shows. It's all due to Lamb's no-nonsense approach and his incisive, straightforward--and always polite--questioning of guests. (December 31, 2000)

• And we mustn't overlook a small prize and a great debt of gratitude for offering us a peek inside journalism's mantle of scholarly objectivity for Time magazine's lovely and talented wacko lefty buffoon, Margaret Carlson, who, while a guest on MSNBC's Imus in the Morning show Nov. 8, referred to military personnel who cast absentee ballots in the Florida election as "a bunch of tax dodgers (possibly) deciding the election."

Cream Or Sugar Ten Grand Extra

• A Pungent Reference To Sick's White House Coffees Overlooked Until Just Now Department: Catching up on my reading over the holidays I chanced upon this bit of dry wit in the July 6, 1998, issue of National Review, in a reference to the Sick Administration's fondness for coffee hour fund-raising: "Democrats complain that the Starr investigation costs $30,000 a day merely for office space. That and $20,000 will get you a cup of coffee at the White House."

• Utah Senator Orrin Hatch is urging Dubya at year-end to pardon Sick. What for? should be the operative question. Hundreds of millions of people all over the world revere and admire Sick. The national Democratic Party has told us Sick's done nothing wrong. Hillary Clinton has told us. Sick's friends and worshippers--that vast chanting horde of Clintonistas--have told us. The United States Senate has told us Sick has done nothing wrong. America's glitterati, cognoscenti, and punditry have told us Sick is a good and decent man. The Average American believes Sick has been viciously attacked and wrongfully framed by a vast rightwing conspiracy out to destroy the greatest leader and the greatest president--indeed, the greatest man--this country has ever known. All polls everywhere, in every nation, in every language, taken at every time of day, every day of the week, every season of the year, support this. Sick, more than any human being who has ever lived, exemplifies our culture. Sick is America. I repeat the question: what has Sick done that he should be pardoned for? (December 31, 2000)

• Dubya, for his part, did say that pardoning someone who hasn't been indicted didn't make much sense to him.

• Washington Post columnist George Will summed up the Sick Years as well as anyone in a year-end newspaper column in which he noted that Sick was not the worst President we've ever had but he certainly was the worst man ever to be President.

• Among the year-end polls was one showing Richard Nixon (36%) and Sick (31%) leading the list of presidents with the "highest negatives" and one showing Sick with a 64% approval rating--higher--breathless anchor Tom Brokaw was eager to point out--than even the legendary Ronald Reagan.

• Mark this down as the Year 2000 slithers to a close: the greatest danger facing Dubbya as he embarks upon his presidency is believing even for an instant anything said by the Democrats claiming they want bipartisanship and to work together with Republicans. Unless Bush realizes what he is up against--an implacable, remorseless enemy determined to destroy him and the Republican Party and its constituencies by any means possible, and working ceaselessly to achieve that--he is doomed. (December 31, 2000)

Resurrecting A Quote For The Ages Department

• "You have demonstrated at least in my adult lifetime a higher commitment to the kind of moral leadership that I value in public service and public policy than any person I have ever met. . .Our prayer for you today and for the first lady and for the vice president and Tipper is that you will continue to provide the kind of moral leadership to this country that has enriched the life of virtually every citizen." --Steve Grossman, national chairman of the Democratic Party, introducing Sick at a Sept. 14, 1998, $50,000-per couple fund-raising dinner in New York City. (December 31, 2000)

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